If you feel uninformed about menopause, you’re not alone. Even medical doctors have startlingly little education on what happens to our bodies during menopause and less yet on how to have good sex after your body goes through it. Unfortunately, a lot of people believe you stop having sex—or at least good sex—after you get to a certain age. But that doesn’t have to be the case.
What Menopause Is
The technical definition of menopause is when you’ve gone through a full calendar year of not having periods due to age. Yet, other circumstances can bring about menopause, too, like certain surgeries or going through chemotherapy. Before reaching menopause, you may experience hot flashes, mood swings, irregular periods, and other irritating symptoms. Menopause may also impact your sex life because it affects anything in your body that has estrogen receptors, which includes your vaginal tissue and your ability to stay lubricated.
Some people may also experience libido swings, where one day you want sex and the next your arousal is next to nonexistent. Knowing what is happening in your body can help you navigate these changes with less self-judgment and anxiety. The symptoms can last up to a decade, so it’s crucial to deal with them as they arise because they might be a part of your life for a long time.
Genital nonconcordance may also be something you experience. Genital nonconcordance happens when your body and mind are not in sync. So, you may be quite wet and not turned on, or you may feel as aroused as you ever have been, yet your vulva is as dry as a desert.
Finding alignment between your body and mind will fix this, and the first step is communication with your partner. It may make you feel vulnerable, but let them know what’s going on. This can prevent injury if you’re aroused but not becoming naturally lubricated or a misreading of signals if you are lubricated but not mentally engaged in sex.
Why We Need More Research
Unfortunately, research lags on women and gender non-conforming people’s bodies. Women’s health isn’t prioritized across the board, and this is especially evident in the realm of sexual health. There is, however, a wealth of options for men and people with penises.
Showing up at your doctor’s office and advocating for yourself can help increase awareness of the need for more research and treatment options for increasing female libido. If your doctor says you need to accept the changes to your health or live with the pain, it’s time to find someone who takes you seriously. You deserve a satisfying sex life, no matter your age. And with support and the right resources, you can have great sex again.
How to Have Great Sex After Menopause
Many people believe that once they reach menopause, their sex life is over. The truth is that you can have the best sex of your life, no matter your age. Taking care of your sexual health is important, and as you age, it becomes something you can’t ignore. Even though the topic is understudied, there are several prescription options that can improve post-menopausal female libido, including taking hormones.
Too often, women experience vaginal dryness and thinning of the vaginal tissue, which can make sex acutely painful. Sometimes, taking estrogen or testosterone can help. Estrogen may help with vaginal dryness and reduce sexual pain; testosterone may help your libido return. Some options, like vaginal estrogen creams, stay within your vagina and may be an option for those with higher risks of taking oral estrogen. Estrogen can help blood flow to the vagina, so it can prevent tissue damage and sexual pain. It’s essential to talk to your doctor about which medications are safe for you to try. The dosage is crucial, as if you take too much, you run the risk of unwanted and sometimes irreversible side effects.
Waiting to get help can worsen the problem because you may start to avoid sex since you associate it with pain. Your partner may feel rejected if they do most of the initiating, and you may feel pressured into sex, creating a difficult cycle to break from. For more information on initiating sex with your partner, check out my YouTube video below:
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If you’re ready for a professional guide to help get your sex life back on track, contact me for a free consultation today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.