Trying to conceive starts as an exciting chapter. But what happens when baby-making sex begins to feel more like a task than a source of pleasure and connection?
As a sex therapist offering virtual sex therapy, I often work with couples who are surprised by how much fertility challenges can impact their relationship, intimacy, and emotional well-being. If you’re trying to conceive and finding that your sex life has changed, you’re not alone.
Why Trying to Conceive Can Change Your Sex Life
Many people grow up hearing warnings about how easy it is to get pregnant. As a result, it can be shocking when conception doesn’t happen right away.
The reality is that getting pregnant can take time, even for healthy couples. According to fertility experts, it can take several months or longer to conceive naturally. The waiting, uncertainty, and disappointment can create stress that affects both emotional and sexual intimacy.
When sex becomes tied to ovulation calendars, fertility tracking apps, and pregnancy tests, it can begin to feel less spontaneous and more like a scheduled responsibility.
When Sex Starts Feeling Like a Chore
One of the most common concerns I hear in sex therapy sessions is:
“We used to enjoy sex. Now it feels like work.”
Scheduled intercourse can create pressure for both partners. The partner producing sperm may experience performance anxiety, especially when ejaculation feels tied to the success of conception. This pressure can contribute to erectile difficulties, decreased desire, or avoidance of intimacy altogether.
Meanwhile, the partner trying to become pregnant may feel pressure to have sex even when tired, stressed, or not fully aroused, which can lead to discomfort or reduced pleasure.
The more couples focus exclusively on the outcome, the easier it becomes to lose sight of the pleasure and connection that sex can provide.
How to Keep Intimacy Alive While Trying to Conceive
The goal isn’t simply to have more sex. It’s to maintain emotional and physical connection throughout the process.
Some strategies that can help include:
- Making time for intimacy that doesn’t have to lead to intercourse
- Prioritizing pleasure rather than focusing solely on pregnancy
- Exploring touch, kissing, cuddling, and sensual connection
- Talking openly about stress, disappointment, and expectations
- Scheduling date nights that have nothing to do with fertility tracking
Remember that your relationship is the foundation of your future family. Nurturing that connection matters.
Common Fertility Myths That Can Create Unnecessary Stress
Many couples feel overwhelmed by conflicting advice online. Fortunately, several common fertility myths simply aren’t supported by evidence.
Myth: You Need to Stay Lying Down for an Hour After Sex
While some semen naturally leaks out after intercourse, sperm begin moving toward the cervix almost immediately. Extended bed rest after sex is generally unnecessary unless specifically recommended by your healthcare provider.
Myth: Certain Sex Positions Increase Pregnancy Chances
For most couples, there is no strong evidence that one sexual position significantly increases the likelihood of conception compared to another.
Myth: You Must Have Sex Every Day During Ovulation
Sperm can survive in the reproductive tract for several days. Having intercourse during the fertile window, particularly in the days leading up to ovulation, is often sufficient.
Myth: If You Haven’t Conceived Yet, You’re Doing Something Wrong
Difficulty conceiving is not a sign of failure. Fertility challenges affect many couples and are often related to factors beyond anyone’s control.
When Fertility Challenges Affect Your Relationship
If you’ve been trying to conceive for a while, it’s normal to experience frustration, sadness, anxiety, or even resentment.
It’s important to remember that you and your partner are on the same team.
Blame, criticism, and self-judgment rarely improve fertility outcomes. Instead, couples often benefit from learning how to communicate more effectively, manage stress together, and preserve emotional intimacy throughout the process.
Understanding Infertility
If you’ve been having regular unprotected intercourse for 12 months without conceiving (or 6 months if you’re over age 35), it may be time to speak with a healthcare provider about fertility evaluation.
Infertility can involve factors related to:
- Sperm health
- Ovulation and egg quality
- Fallopian tube function
- Uterine health
- Unexplained fertility challenges
The good news is that many treatment options are available, ranging from lifestyle changes and medication to assisted reproductive technologies.
How Sex Therapy Can Help Couples Trying to Conceive
Fertility struggles don’t just affect the body. They can also affect your emotional connection, sexual desire, confidence, and relationship satisfaction.
Sex therapy provides a safe space to:
- Reduce performance anxiety
- Improve communication around fertility challenges
- Rebuild intimacy and desire
- Navigate stress and disappointment together
- Strengthen your relationship throughout the conception journey
Whether you’re just beginning to try for a baby or navigating fertility treatments, support can make a meaningful difference.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can trying to conceive reduce sexual desire?
Yes. The pressure of fertility tracking, timed intercourse, and expectations around pregnancy can reduce sexual desire for many individuals and couples. Stress and anxiety often affect both emotional and physical intimacy.
Is it normal to argue more while trying to get pregnant?
Absolutely. Fertility challenges can create emotional strain, disappointment, and uncertainty. Without healthy communication strategies, these stressors can lead to increased conflict within a relationship.
Can sex therapy help with fertility-related stress?
Yes. Working with a sex therapist can help couples maintain intimacy, improve communication, reduce performance pressure, and strengthen their emotional connection throughout the fertility journey.
Does Dr. Nazanin Moali offer in-person sex therapy in Los Angeles?
Yes. Dr. Nazanin Moali offers in-person one-on-one therapy sessions for clients in the Los Angeles area at her office in Hermosa Beach, California.
Where is Dr. Nazanin Moali’s office located?
Dr. Moali’s office is located at:
2200 Pacific Coast Hwy, Suite 210
Hermosa Beach, CA 90254-2701
Does Dr. Nazanin Moali offer therapy in Hermosa Beach, California?
Yes. Dr. Moali provides in-person therapy sessions in Hermosa Beach, serving individuals and couples seeking support with intimacy, relationships, sexuality, and emotional well-being.
Is virtual sex therapy effective?
Research shows that virtual therapy can be highly effective for many relationship and sexual concerns. Online sessions provide convenience, privacy, and access to professional support from the comfort of your home.
Can I work with Dr. Nazanin Moali if I don’t live in Hermosa Beach?
Depending on licensing requirements and your location, virtual therapy options may be available. Contact Dr. Moali’s office to learn more about availability and eligibility for online sessions.
Location
Dr. Nazanin Moali
2200 Pacific Coast Hwy, Suite 210
Hermosa Beach, CA 90254-2701
Ready for Support?
Trying to conceive can be one of the most meaningful and challenging experiences a couple faces. You don’t have to navigate it alone.
If fertility stress is affecting your intimacy, communication, or relationship, sex therapy can help you reconnect, strengthen your partnership, and approach this journey together.
Whether you’re navigating timed intercourse, fertility treatments, performance anxiety, or emotional strain, support is available. The goal isn’t just to grow your family, it’s also to protect and nurture the relationship that will support it.
Reach out today to learn how sex therapy can help you maintain connection, intimacy, and emotional well-being throughout your fertility journey.