The interconnected nature of your body and mind is undeniable. When you disregard one, the other will suffer as well. Ignoring the delicate interplay of body and mind leaves you susceptible to lots of sexual pitfalls, including having sex that isn’t compatible with your values, feeling numb during sex, and losing access to your natural arousal. Let’s talk about how to create a sustainable balance between your body and mind.
The Cultural Disconnect Between Body and Mind
Everyone, regardless of gender, is often encouraged to ignore their bodies and that surrendering to their body is feral. Prioritizing your body isn’t the cultural order of the day, and we are often reduced to existing solely as a brain, a walking to-do list, an intellectual being. But the more we learn about psychology and physiology, the more proof emerges that they are one and the same. Our bodies hold wisdom as well, and the more you listen to it, the more your body will trust you. Saying no to activities you’re not interested in is the first step to developing a rapport with your body, and it will begin to trust you. Your body lets you know if you’re about to have sex with someone you don’t trust. That feeling in your gut? Trust it. It’s often wiser than we realize.
Objectification: The Ultimate Mind-Body Divide
People raised as women are taught to look for love and acceptance from a male partner from a very early age. They are not often encouraged to prioritize sexual fulfillment, learn about their bodies, or masturbate. Women may see themselves as objects thanks to decades of objectification in the media. This can mean they feel more focused on how they look during sex and whether their partner is enjoying it than on their own pleasure. When objectification is internalized, it’s difficult to feel arousal, let alone request an orgasm from a partner.
Worse yet, many people experience sexual trauma. Trauma can make it hard for someone to experience lust, even around a trusted partner. Trauma is protective in a dangerous situation, but the remaining distress keeps you disconnected from your body, killing any chance of feeling safe and turned on, and you may find yourself dissociating during intimate experiences.
Receiving pleasure is inherently vulnerable, even for those lucky enough to avoid sexual trauma. Sexual release requires you to let your guard down and enjoy yourself. Finding ways to calm your nervous system is key. The skill of releasing inhibitions is one that many people must learn because it’s not always innate, especially for women. Emotional safety is the most reliable way to help someone feel safe enough to let loose and reach climax. Emotional safety takes time to foster, but it’s crucial for anyone who can’t stay focused during pleasure. The more emotionally safe you feel, the easier it becomes to keep your body and mind aligned, present, and ready to receive.
It may not be feasible to experience an orgasm with a partner right away. Mindful self-pleasure may be the first step you’re ready for. If so, your next stop is my video on how to transform your masturbation routine:
A History of Disconnection
Most people saw mind-body disconnection modeled within their family, making it tough to know how to find balance as they grow up. If you grew up with parents who had a healthy relationship, modeled resilience, and regulated their own emotions, you might be a securely attached person. If not, you may have developed coping mechanisms that rear their ugly heads in the bedroom and can bring you out of the moment in no time.
The good news is that you can make different choices and find peaceful, present pleasure with your partner. You don’t have to dissociate during sex, ignore your arousal, or numb yourself to sexual pleasure. Returning to your natural state of arousal is a rewarding and transformative process.
More Help is Just a Click Away
When you’re ready to work with a sex therapy specialist, connect with me. I’m ready to support you in your journey toward a more present and empowering sex life.