Sexual communication is tough, but reading the room when your partner’s not even in the room? That can feel impossible. Several factors make the difference between a successful sexting experience versus one that goes awry, so use the tips below to become an expert sexter.
Establishing Trust
Before getting started, consider what you’re comfortable disclosing over this form of communication. Do you trust the person enough to send a nude? Or do you want to keep it to sexy-talk only? Mentioning this before getting started is far preferable to receiving a nude from your partner and then having to tell them you’re not comfortable sending one in exchange.
Next, agree on a medium for sexting that you feel provides adequate safety. Certain websites have disappearing features, so that your sexts won’t be available for the foreseeable future, but are one-time only occurrences. The medium you use for your sexting is far less important than the trust you have with the person receiving your sexts. If you’re with someone new, leave your face, tattoos, or identifying freckles and birthmarks out of the photo—at least until you establish a baseline level of trust.
Instituting Boundaries
People define sexting differently. Some may assume it includes photos or even videos, while others view sexting as text-only. Sometimes, sexting is comprised of flirty, sensual texts that set you ablaze for in-person intimacy later. Audio recordings are also a super-hot option and can convey tone that texts leave out. Always ask before changing mediums.
You’ll have to discuss what you find sexy and what your sexting partner finds sexy. Maybe you want a pic, or maybe you’d prefer them to describe how badly they want you. If you’ve never sexted before, try both and see which one lights your fire. You may even learn that a dick pic or too much explicitness at the start derails your desire, and that’s okay. Sexting with a new partner is an experiment, and it will take a little trial and error before you get it right.
The First Sext
Sexting is as fun for long-term couples as it is for new couples. It’s an underrated seduction tool and a way to start foreplay early. Bringing it up is the first step, and it’s the hardest one. You may want to send something cheeky, like mentioning you’re in the shower and asking if they’d like a peek. Be prepared to drop the topic if you get a neutral or negative response. Starting off flirty rather than over-the-top explicit can help your sexting exchange stay fun and lighthearted, rather than scaring your partner off. Then, continue to ask for consent whenever you change activities.
Next, lead with an encouraging attitude. Your partner may be new to sexting as well, so don’t be overly critical. Accept their sexts with as much enthusiasm as you hope to receive. And expect things to go wrong or be funny at times. Curating everything to death will make the conversation feel less genuine, and it’s not sustainable in the long run.
Take Your Time
Start slow. Getting hot and heavy too quickly leaves you without much to write about, and that can feel awkward and frustrating for both sexters. Staying in conversation about longing, yearning, and desire is easier to maintain than jumping straight into pre-orgasmic pics. Staying partially dressed in pics can also be as sexy as being fully nude. Slow-burn messages are easier to maintain and often more effective at creating arousal.
For a more in-depth look at expert-level sexting techniques, attend this on-demand workshop on sexy talk, connection, and more:
Use Your Imagination
Sexting is an excellent place to try on a new sexual persona, if you’re feeling confident. You could try being more dominant or submissive with your partner, without worrying about stifling a giggle or not pulling it off.
You can frame sexting like X-rated improv or creative writing. You’ll want to exercise your imagination and be as descriptive as possible. Using the same terms repeatedly gets dull, fast. If you’re worried about saying “hard” or “wet” too often, listen to some audio erotica to expand your sexy vocabulary.
Staying True to Yourself
People who love to read and love words may find themselves in the pitfall of overthinking sexting. You may want the sexting exchange to be so beautiful that it’s unforgettable for both you and your partner. But this is the same setback as focusing too much on how you look during sex: it takes you out of the moment. Rather than trying to sound like a porn star, it’s often better to be deeply honest.
For instance, if you’re a timid person, don’t try to force yourself to be super assertive right off the bat. You could admit you’re nervous or let your partner know you took an X-rated picture that you’re on the fence about sending. Reframe your shyness as teasing, and you can have your partner climbing the walls in no time.
Let’s Work Together
Contact me for a free consultation today.