Modern dating has launched a brand-new frontier for singles. On the one hand, finding your soulmate has never been more accessible, since the Internet allows you to easily browse and chat with people across the globe. On the other hand, that many choices can be incapacitating. Sometimes, online dating can be overwhelming or discouraging, especially if you’ve been at it for a while. It may feel like a part-time job. Here’s how to keep your mental health intact and get the most out of online dating.
Finding the One
There’s no two ways about it: online dating is challenging. The sheer magnitude of options doesn’t always feel optimistic. In many cases, it feels draining. Having conversation after conversation dwindle into nothingness or facing several date cancellations or ghosting can take a toll on your mental health. There’s no foolproof antidote to heartbreak or way to prevent disappointment. But being closed off isn’t the ideal way to pursue romance. Being as vulnerable and authentic as possible can help you fast-track dating. It helps you weed people out more quickly, even if disappointment is a part of the process. Connection requires openness, and letting someone in simply isn’t possible if you aren’t safely taking emotional risks.
Knowing how to tell the difference between someone who presents themself well online and someone who would make a good long-term partner is tricky. The people you find on dating sites may not have the self-awareness to articulate clearly what they want, who they are, or what love means to them. You can’t always tell from a profile, so you may want to give more people a chance, not fewer.
Consider the possibility that you have a different side to your personality as a romantic partner than anywhere else. You may be very driven at work, but on a date, you may be someone who likes to slow down and connect. Teasing apart how you show up on a date and what makes a great date for you is helpful as you seek the right person.
Self-awareness is key. If you can identify patterns in past relationships that haven’t worked for you, this can offer incredible insight into what you want to change in the future. People often recreate relationship dynamics in accordance with what brings them comfort rather than what they want for their future. Owning your part in what contributed to difficulties in past relationships will not only help you become more dateable, but it can also help you find the one. Learning what you bring to the table and areas that have historically been blind spots is so crucial to being a great partner. For a deeper dive on who you attract and how to start attracting the people you want, check out my YouTube video below:
Don’t Waste Your Own Time
Letting go is essential for your mental health. You can’t convince or persuade someone to show up for you, so just notice who does so willingly. Spend your time with those who naturally prioritize you, without your having to prompt it. The people who see your worth automatically are worth investing in. The people who don’t see your worth may never be convinced. You can save yourself a lot of effort just by noticing people’s behavior rather than internalizing it.
Take Breaks
Setting deadlines can be beneficial for your mental health, but not in the way you might imagine. Wanting to be married by a certain age isn’t necessarily in your control. But taking breaks when you feel exhausted is. Do you feel energized after spending time swiping? If not, it may be time to take a breather. When your actions don’t align with your values, it’s time for a break. If you find yourself ghosting people or feeling over it, now may not be the time for online dating.
When you take a break, spend it in self-reflection. Spend time imagining your dream relationship. Consider going to therapy to better understand yourself and your habits. Reinvesting time in yourself can help you remember that you are valuable on your own, and that while you may want a partner, you can feel complete on your own.
Helping people connect is a passion project of mine. If you’re in Los Angeles and interested in intentional dating, our matchmaking events could be a great tool for you. Check them out HERE.
You Have Q’s, I Have A’s
If you want expert help navigating the modern dating landscape, contact me for a free consultation.