Porn is erotic content, including art, film, pictures, and audiobooks. It’s meant to turn you on and keep you entertained. But as technology advances, porn is becoming harder to define. Sometimes, porn is interactive, as when someone pays a cammer online, for instance. You can find porn that is compatible with virtual reality headsets, giving you a more realistic, first-person sexual experience. Some toys can be paired with these headsets as well, syncing their sensations to what you see on screen. Since porn is harder to define, boundaries around porn can be more difficult to delineate. It’s essential to feel good about the erotic content you consume, so below are some tips on considerations you should make.
The Unknowns Around Porn
When you’re watching porn, you know that you are seeing people have sex. But when you just get free porn from sketchy websites, there are a lot of unknowns. You may not be sure that the 18-year-old is actually 18. You may not know how consensual the sex is when the cameras aren’t rolling. And you likely don’t know why the actors are performing in a porn; for instance, were they interested in the industry or pressured? Another thing you may not know is what precautions were taken to keep everyone healthy and minimize risks. If you haven’t considered these issues before, it’s vital to do so. Sex work is work, and the workers deserve respect and dignity. You can avoid harm by finding ethical porn rather than free or amateur porn.
The New Pornographic Landscape
A significant amount of free porn is shot from the point of view of the male gaze. This can be fine, but some female or gender-nonconforming viewers may feel alienated by this type of porn. It’s hard to avoid because it’s so prevalent, but more women and gender-nonconforming porn filmmakers are starting to crop up and find notoriety. These films often feature more diversity in body size, skin color, and types of sex. The inclusivity is freeing, and it can open your mind to new activities that turn you on. It also helps normalize the fact that all bodies are sexual and deserving of pleasure. More and more, you can find a type of porn you can identify with and that feels good to watch.
Sourcing ethical porn can alleviate these concerns. It typically is something you’ll have to pay for, but that also helps minimize the risk that the porn stars aren’t being compensated for their work. Learn about which filmmakers pay the actors fairly and take the necessary steps to ensure consent is honored, as well as their physical and emotional safety.
Moving Beyond Guilt and Shame
Many people who believe that consuming porn is wrong still consume it. But the truth is that the majority of those who use porn as an arousal enhancement don’t abuse it or become addicted. And even people in monogamous, long-term relationships can use porn safely and in a way that supports their relationship, rather than injures it.
Yet, many people were raised to be ashamed of masturbation and porn consumption, and those beliefs can be hard to shake. The first step is questioning them. Do you believe porn is wrong, and if so, why? If you don’t, having a mantra to counteract those outdated beliefs can be a helpful reminder that you don’t have to hold onto beliefs that aren’t aligned with your current values. Resolve any remaining guilt by doing your due diligence and researching the sites and creators of the porn you engage with.
Porn and Your Partner
If you find that your partner’s porn use bothers you, it’s crucial to get to the root of the issue. Sometimes therapy can help, but you may need to begin with an open conversation. Does the porn use cause a feeling of jealousy? If so, there may be unresolved trust problems at the foundation of the problem. If you’re worried pornography will replace your erotic connection, you may just need to work out a schedule for sex and masturbation that you’re both comfortable with. Porn not always the problem, but is often a symptom of deeper relational issues.
You and your partner may not have the same taste in porn. But if you’re both committed to consuming ethical erotic media, there’s no reason to shame the other partner for their interests. Many fantasies have nothing to do with sexual activities that someone would pursue in real life. They are simply fantasies: hot to think about and nothing more. But sometimes, porn use can feel like betrayal. The path toward repair after betrayal is the same as it is after an affair. Getting started down the path toward recovery and connection is as simple as watching this video:
Getting an Outside Perspective
When porn is an issue in your relationship, seeking out professional advice to help you both move forward is vital. Contact me for a free consultation today.