Much has been written about porn’s effect on women, but porn also has an impact on how men see themselves and their erections. While porn can be excellent for entertainment or arousal, it can create problems when people use it as a template for their individual sex lives. Comparing your penis to the erections on screen may leave you worried about erectile dysfunction or create performance anxiety. Here’s how to enjoy porn without losing confidence in your penis.
Porn, Erectile Dysfunction, and Performance Anxiety
Men may expect that their friends and peers have erections that match the porn they watch when most people can’t and don’t last for hours. Rock-hard erections are occasional and become less frequent with age, a fact left out of most porn. Some studies suggest that most male porn stars are using performance-enhancing prescriptions to boost their erectile function. Even porn stars can suffer from performance anxiety, but they may have additional tools in their toolkit that help them overcome this that you the viewer are not privy to. Afterward, editing can remove the parts where someone couldn’t get hard and cut the scenes where someone takes a break before changing positions.
Further, many men may feel that they have erectile dysfunction when they are, in fact, normal. You may have erectile dissatisfaction without having erectile dysfunction. And porn consumption may lead to a mental spiral about your erections, leading to performance anxiety and further erectile unpredictability. When on-demand erections are what porn floods you with, even occasional trouble can feel defeating and scary.
On-screen sex doesn’t always portray the relationship between the two (or three or ten) people having sex. If you are having relationship problems with your partner, it makes psychological sense that having sex with them would prove difficult. Your body may sense the lack of safety you feel around them if there’s been a betrayal, or you may have unresolved anger that pops up at the most inconvenient time. A helpful way to determine if your relationship is the culprit is noticing if you’re able to get erections when you’re by yourself.
Porn may have you convinced that you should be able to get hard anytime, anywhere. But that’s not the reality for most men and penis owners. Sex happens within a context, and that context is subtly different every time. If you had a rough day at work, you may notice the stress seeping into the bedroom and you can’t focus on your arousal. That’s not necessarily erectile dysfunction; that’s just the nature of being human. Stress is a biological reaction that forces us to focus on perceived danger, and sex becomes less of a priority for your body. Until you resolve that stress, erections may be unpredictable. For more tips on keeping stress out of the bedroom, check out my YouTube video:
Let the Doc Weigh In
Checking with your doctor is always a good idea. Sometimes being unable to get and stay hard has an underlying medical cause and your doctor can help you investigate this further. If it’s a vascular issue, prescription meds may help. Yet, having the conversation is key because erectile health is an important indicator of overall health. Still, many men prioritize privacy over their health and will try something they’ve seen on their Instagram feed before having a heart-to-heart with their general practitioner. But advocating for your health can fast-track the trial-and-error process of discovering how to have better erections.
Being Real
The more realistic you can be about your expectations of your penis, the better. If you’ve had a one-off experience where you couldn’t perform, that is a common experience that even porn stars have. Letting that singular experience get into your head can cause extra anxiety and develop into a longer-term problem, like performance anxiety. Instead of lasering in on that experience, plan a positive experience without your erection for your next intimate time together. Pleasure them orally, with your fingers, or even by giving them a yoni massage. Cementing the fact that you can and do please your partner can help counteract the recurrent negative thoughts that may drift in after erectile unpredictability.
In the end, it’s always important to put some distance between you and the adult media you consume. Reframing porn as fiction and fantasy and reminding yourself that the actors have the help of doctors, makeup, and Hollywood film magic is key. Talking to your partner about what they like in your sex life can also help boost your confidence.
Working With Someone You Trust
If you want more tips on avoiding performance anxiety and using porn constructively, contact me for a free consultation today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.