Have you tried anal sex? If your answer is no, you might want to think about why you haven’t dared to venture into your derriere. Some people may fear pain; others may believe that anal sex is dirty— but neither of those scenarios are givens during anal sex. You don’t want to miss out on your rear pleasure powerhouse just because your brain grew up on a steady diet of homophobic stigma. Try the tips below to help you start having pain-free anal sex.
Anal Pleasure Is for People of Any Gender
You may have heard that people with prostates can experience anal orgasms. But the truth is that even vulva owners have an erogenous zone back there that can bring climax after climax. The prostate is packed with nerve endings in men, but women have an area that butts right up against the G spot or the tail end of the clitoris that can feel super good, too. If you have an anus, you are someone who can have pleasurable anal sex.
Destigmatizing Natural Processes
Most of the time when you have anal sex, cleanliness isn’t something you’ll need to stress about. Occasionally, depending on your gut health, last bowel movement, and immune system, there may be a small mess. Sex is never perfectly clean, and it’s a good idea to be comfortable enough with your body to be able to laugh off these moments with your partner.
The First Step: Research
Unlike the porn you may have watched, you can’t just immediately engage in anal penetration—not if you want it to feel good, anyway. You’ll need to do some research first.
Start by taking a mirror to look at your anus. You can check for hemorrhoids that would make anal sex painful; plus, you’ll get to know yourself a bit better. If you have concerns about your anal health, don’t hesitate to talk to a doctor.
Start Slow—And Consider a Dilator
When you’re at peak arousal, you’re ready to venture into your anus. Don’t begin until you’re as turned on as possible. If you plan to finger yourself, ensure you have clean hands and short fingernails. Then use a copious amount of lube.
For more ideas about how lube can elevate your sex life, check out my YouTube video below:
If you don’t want to finger yourself, you can use one of the many anal prep sex toys out there that allow you to dilate slowly, at your own pace, and without injury. When shopping for an anal dilator, be careful what you choose. Find something made from body-safe materials since sex toys still aren’t regulated in the US. Double-checking the materials used to create anal toys is especially critical since you have to sanitize them to remove all bacteria afterward so that the device doesn’t cause a problem the next time you use it.
Even after you’ve explored your anus with a toy or fingers, you’ll still want to progress slowly once you’re prepared for anal intercourse. You may want to start playtime with the largest toy so that you’re ready in that moment, and then move on to your partner’s erection. If it’s your first time having anal sex, you should be in the driver’s seat, so choose a position that allows you to modulate the depth and speed of thrusts.
Pelvic Floor and Digestive Health
When we think of attaining ideal health, what comes to mind is often the strengthening of your muscles. But with pelvic floor health, issues usually arise when your muscles are too tight from constant clenching. In this situation, the solution is to learn to relax your pelvic floor. If you’re having pain during anal sex despite following the tips above, you may want to enlist a pelvic floor specialist to help you identify the problem.
For stress-free anal sex, you should be mindful of your diet. No specific diet will make anal sex a breeze, but not consuming foods that make you gassy or give you digestive discomfort is key. Fiber is a necessary component of your diet, and it can help you feel more secure during anal sex by allowing you more regular bowel movements.
Partner Tips
To have great anal sex, you need more than just a prepared bottom—the top also needs to be mindful. When penetrating your partner, watch their face to see if it looks pleasurable or painful. Are their hands balled up into fists? Their body may be too tense right now and the tension in their hands is a sign that it’s time to stop and return to this activity later.
Going slow and avoiding injury is always preferable to rushing through and having a negative experience. Taking your time while you get to know this erogenous zone is key.
Ready for One-on-One Tips?
Contact me for a free consultation today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.