Tantra takes sex and elevates it to an art form. It can bring sex life to a brand-new dimension of intimacy, pleasure, and connection. When you practice tantra, it’s not just sex anymore—it has an element of the divine, something almost supernatural, because of the intense intimacy you develop. There are no shortcuts to sexual enlightenment without sacrificing the depth of experience. But you can add elements of tantra into your everyday sex life even if you don’t have hours to do so.
Tantra and Spirituality
You don’t have to be a spiritual person to practice tantra, but it’s vital that you consider sex to be an exchange of energy since that’s a foundational principle. If you’re someone who likes to focus on the more concrete aspects of sex, tantra may not be for you. But the principles of tantra can still improve your sex life. It’s not just about having sex for more extended periods of time; it’s about opening your soul and sharing something indescribable with your partner.
Chances are that you have already had a sexual experience that included some tantric characteristics. Do you have memories of sex that was so good that time itself seemed to slow down or stop? Or perhaps you hooked up with someone and it was so intense that it reminded you what it’s like to feel truly alive. People who can stay in the present can have tantric sex without necessarily being aware of the principles of tantra. But you can cultivate skills like receptivity with more mindfulness and a little practice.
Take a Breather
An excellent first step to having tantric sex is becoming aware of your breath since breathwork is an essential component of tantra. Syncing your breath with your partner’s can be a physical reminder of the energy exchange. Put your hand on your partner’s heart and have them do the same for you. Breathe naturally, but ensure you sync into a cohesive rhythm.
Check out my video for the top 7 reasons why some women have difficulty experiencing orgasm with their partner:
Meditate Together
Next, meditating before sex is a great way to calm down and get back in touch with your body before having sex with your partner. To take this a step further, meditate with your partner beforehand. One person can guide the meditation, or you can focus on deep breathing and clearing your mind. This meditation doesn’t have to take a long time—just long enough to bring your awareness to your body and your partner’s body.
The process of slowing down, taking deep breaths, and relaxing before sex can help eliminate those times when you are close to climaxing but become interrupted by unsexy thoughts, like your to-do list. A meditation practice helps you become more in tune with the sensations your body is feeling. Equally important is that it can help you become more in tune with what your partner experiences. You may start to feel and move as though you are an extension of each other.
Very Mindful, Very Demure
As you practice breathwork and meditation, you’ll naturally become more mindful. Yet mindfulness isn’t always a guarantee of great sex. Sometimes when you bring awareness to your body, your body has something to say. You may realize you have a headache you’ve been ignoring all day or stress that you need to tend to. Mindfulness isn’t a shortcut to feeling good, but it creates trust between your body and mind. When you create a mindfulness habit, your body knows you will listen and nurture it when you need to rather than forcing yourself to do something when the timing isn’t right. If you simply pretend you are into having sex when your body is asking for attention, you aren’t building trust.
Being open to whatever you learn when you tune into your body is key. Mindfulness can mean moving away from denying the parts of yourself that deserve attention and moving towards honoring your desires. Mindfulness may also help you realize you have a boundary that you have disregarded or that you pretended to like something that didn’t feel good. In the short term, this may mean you’re having less sex, but you will have better sex if you’re showing up for yourself. The magic of tantra is that it deepens your connection with yourself before deepening your relationship’s intimacy.
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.