If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that orgasms are outstanding. They’re fun, good for you, and one of the most pleasurable activities within the human experience. But having a good orgasm is a skill, meaning it’s something you can learn and get better at with practice. Below are some tips to take your orgasms to new, longer-lasting, more intense heights.
Don’t Force It
Better orgasms can’t be forced. Yet when many of us get close to climaxing, we go harder, faster, or rougher, coercing our body into orgasm. That’s a habit you’ll want to consider breaking if having the best orgasm is your goal. If you’re in the routine of holding your breath, gripping extra hard, or leaning on a fantasy to get you over the line, you’re probably not having the most intense orgasm possible. These habits are ways to force your body into an orgasm, and the orgasms will be much more powerful and deep if you allow them to be unstoppable.
You could begin by doing exactly what you usually do during your self-pleasure routine at a quarter of the speed. Go as agonizingly slow as possible. The idea is to slow down the stimulation to a frustrating pace, permitting your body to release the orgasm when it can no longer take it rather than being rushed into a smaller, quicker climax. As you touch yourself, focus only on whether it’s pleasurable—not whether you’re immediately heading toward an orgasm.
Become More Present
Feeling sensual and turned-on is often more a state of mind than a state of body. So, it’s crucial to give your mind the best possible chance of feeling sexy. To do that, you must feel safe and calm. Clearing clutter from your space may help some people, and crossing off that nagging item from your to-do list before getting started is another good idea. Ensure you are self-pleasuring during a time when you won’t be interrupted to eliminate that extra worry from your mind.
After your surroundings are ready, it’s time to get your mind ready. Consider trying a meditation practice to help minimize the chattering thoughts in your mind. This step can help you feel more grounded in your body and allow pleasure to override any remaining stress.
Deeply Relax
If you can feel tension in and around your genitals, instead of increasing that pressure, try to release it. Do the opposite of a Kegel, for example, allowing your pelvic floor to be completely relaxed. Though that tension may feel sexually pleasurable, it’s also a way to force orgasms to come more quickly, and that’s what you want to avoid.
The idea is to avoid making an orgasm your goal but to increase the pleasure you feel throughout the process. This relaxation process is common for people who practice tantra. This practice is extra helpful for women or anyone with a vulva as they often take longer to get turned on. Reaching peak arousal is integral to having the best orgasm possible.
Connect with Your Innate Eroticism
Everyone has the capacity to get deeply turned on within themselves. It’s just that we often rush through our days and ignore the things that would typically arouse them, which is a necessary coping tool to get through work, family outings, and other times when it would be inappropriate to feel sexual. But returning to that higher level of awareness and noticing the feel of the fabric rubbing against your skin, your breath reaching deep into your belly, and the way your partner smells can help you get turned on without the help of a particular fantasy or erotic material.
For information on helping your partner reach orgasm, watch my video below:
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.