People who were raised as men often go to the doctor far more infrequently than those raised as women. This reluctance to seek medical help can mean that men face worse health outcomes and can miss out on potentially life-saving treatment—plus, it can mean bad news for your sex life if you have ED. If you or your partner are putting off a much-needed checkup, keep reading to find out why you should make that appointment even if it seems difficult.
Masculinity Can Be a Barrier to Seeking Medical and Sexual Help
Many forms of masculinity are healthy, but some parts of toxic masculinity make it challenging to ask for help. Doctor visits can make some people who were raised as men feel vulnerable or weak. It’s this same thought process—that asking for help is weak—that makes suicide rates so devastating for people with penises.
Unfortunately, the hesitancy to report symptoms to the doctor only increases when the problem men have is sexual. Most people feel somewhat nervous about talking to their doctors about issues in the bedroom—especially because many doctors won’t ask about sexual troubles or don’t have much training in that area. The urge to hide sexual problems from their doctors is especially high for anyone who was raised to act invincible, strong, and masculine. It can feel counter to their nature to ask a doctor for help, especially if the problem is that they aren’t getting erections the way they used to anymore. It can be hard to admit to yourself that you can’t get or stay hard—much less to a doctor.
Many men may be reluctant to go to the doctor because of outdated ideas about how men should act. They may also believe that they would face social consequences, including being stigmatized by their peers, if their friends should find out. Further, they may worry that their partner would think less of them if they admitted there was a problem. This means many men could benefit from medical help but will instead struggle sexually for years or even for the rest of their lives.
How to Make It Easier to Ask for Help
Talking to the doctor about ED doesn’t have to be intimidating, but there are some ways to make it easier. First, consider if the gender of the doctor matters to you. Maybe you’ll feel more at ease talking to a doctor who shares your gender—or perhaps that would make the situation less comfortable. If gender matters to you, choose a doctor whose gender you think you’ll be most relaxed around.
Next, understand that advocating for your health is a form of assertiveness. It’s an integral part of confidence, and allowing the fear of the doctor’s visit to dissuade you from the appointment will keep you from feeling fully empowered. Reframing the idea of contacting a health professional for guidance can help you feel better about relying on their expertise.
Keep the end goal in mind. The many advances in the field of sexual health mean that there are excellent treatments for those who have ED, including prescriptions, counseling, and lifestyle changes that can help you have a satisfying sex life. Your doctor likely won’t be judgmental since erectile issues are so common, and they can help with many forms of sexual dysfunction.
For more information, take a look at my video on ways to recover from ED:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuUuaNKnu2Y
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.