The world of sex is unfortunately full of misinformation. Fallacies abound when a subject is taboo, like sex, making people reluctant to talk about it. Instead of asking their doctors or talking to their trusted peers about real-life experiences, they may rely on rumors that they heard during school or what they see in porn. Too often, these myths are unrefuted, and people believe them throughout their lives. Below are some myths that can hamper your sexual pleasure and expertise.
Masturbation Isn’t Good for You
Many people learned during adolescence that masturbation isn’t good for you. Some people even grew up believing that masturbation was a poor substitute for sex, something you do only if you can’t find a real, live partner. Both of these myths couldn’t be further from reality.
The truth is that masturbation is good for you. It fosters physical and mental health benefits like stress reduction, better sleep quality, and even a reduced perception of pain. But more than that, it allows you to get to know your body, which can help set you up for a lifetime of good sex. When you know your turn-ons and turn-offs and which types of touch you like to receive, you can communicate this to your partners, giving yourself the best shot of having a hot sex life. Without masturbation, your partners will be engaging in trial and error, a lengthy and frustrating process that can easily kill the mood.
Of course, masturbation can sometimes take a turn and become harmful, for instance, if you masturbate instead of having sex with your partner. But for most people, masturbation is a perfect complement to your life, whether you’re single or have a partner.
Size Matters
The truth about penis size is that it doesn’t matter as much as you might think. This is especially true if your partner has a vagina. Only a small percentage of people with vaginas can routinely orgasm from penetration alone. Most of the time, the main event that leads them to climax will be clitoral stimulation.
The news that size doesn’t matter much can reduce the pressure to perform for people with penises and help them to enjoy sex more. You don’t necessarily need to be large or last an extremely long time to get your partners off. And, if you focus less on penetration and more on clitoral stimulation (if your partner has a vagina), chances are, they’ll be getting more enjoyment out of your time together—not less.
The average size of penises may even be less than you think. While many have heard seven inches is average, urologists suggest it’s much smaller—around four to five inches. And the truth is that the size of your penis is not correlated to your partner’s pleasure. No matter your size, you can be an excellent lover.
Men Think About Sex More Than Women
The idea that men think about sex more than women is rooted in deep traditions of misogyny and LGBTQ+ erasure. How much you think about or enjoy sex has nothing to do with your gender identity and everything to do with your personality, lifestyle, and individual interests. Men are not a monolith, and neither are women. Everyone has different libido levels, and it’s important not to buy into myths like this because you’ll end up misunderstanding your partner in favor of the misinformation.
If you’re curious about how much your partner fantasizes about sex or wants to have it, ask them. They are the most accurate source of information on the topic. If you feel like your libido levels are mismatched, taking action is crucial. If one partner feels rejected and the other feels constant pressure to have sex, it’s easy to avoid the activity altogether and fall into a cycle of sexlessness. To learn more about sexless relationships, watch my video below.
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Working with a therapist who specializes in sex can help you dismantle outdated misinformation about sex and learn about yourself. Contact me for a free consultation today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to sign up for her live workshop, 7 Tactics for Achieving Optimal Performance Without Medication.