Myths about sexuality and aging are everywhere. Our youth-obsessed culture seems perfectly happy to dismiss older people as sexless, but fortunately, that’s not the way it goes. Having hot sex at an older age is possible, especially if you know what to expect. Here are some ways to keep things hot, no matter how old you are.
Consider Your Limitations
There’s no denying it: our bodies change as they age. And trying to have sex the exact way that you did in your twenties will just be frustrating. Understanding the changes that have come along the way will speed your journey toward sexual satisfaction as you age. You may be dealing with chronic medical conditions, recuperating from past injuries or diagnoses, or relying on a prescription that affects your sex drive. Accepting that these have changed your body will help you embrace what’s next, which can be a fulfilling, erotic sex life. However, you shouldn’t simply accept painful sex or the idea that you no longer feel desire because there are ways to work around what you are dealing with and make sex even better.
If your libido has decreased over the years, it’s worth talking to your doctor to rule out the chance that it’s caused by a medical issue and to find out if you can switch your prescription if that’s to blame. If those aren’t the culprits, you may find that it just takes a little bit longer to get turned on than it used to. Extending foreplay can increase your anticipation for sex, which adds to the heat. Keeping excellent lube on hand is necessary, too.
Sometimes, erections become a bit less reliable, too. Erectile dysfunction is common as people with penises age. The same practice that works for low desire also helps with erectile dysfunction: extending foreplay and taking the focus off of penetrative sex.
The Natural Effects of Aging
As people age, there tends to be a slight libido slow-down for people of any gender. This can be compounded if you and your partner have been stuck in a sexual rut for years. It’s never more crucial to find new avenues to pleasure and explore new activities than as you age. The novelty can counteract any sexual boredom that might otherwise present as a lack of desire.
If you find that your libido has dropped off entirely and you and your partner are at risk of becoming sexless, it’s time to act. Sexlessness affects more couples than many realize, and it’s a self-perpetuating cycle that can be hard to break. If you are in a sexless relationship, learn more from my video here:
Keeping Sex Hot Through the Ages
Playing to your strengths is key to having hot sex as you age. You know your body well by now, have identified turn-ons and turn-offs, and may have much more confidence than you did when you were younger. These are excellent tools to have in your sexual toolkit. You understand deeply that sexiness has nothing to do with what you look like or how many sex positions you can do in one go—it has to do with confidence, connection, and a highly attuned sense of self. Keeping these in mind can help you feel empowered to have more uninhibited sex than you’ve ever experienced before.
Next, trying sex toys is an excellent idea, especially as you age. Sex toys now exist that can help with all kinds of sexual dysfunction. For instance, there are cock rings that can be used soft so that you don’t need an erection to get started. Vibrators can also help women increase vaginal moisture and increase pleasure during sex. The new and intense sensations that sex toys offer add a sense of fun and play to your bedroom routine.
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to sign up for her live workshop, 7 Tactics for Achieving Optimal Performance Without Medication.