Most people want to become better lovers. If you have a penis, the tips below can help you become more comfortable in bed and learn how to please your partner.
Size Doesn’t Matter
Many men worry about their size or width and whether it’s enough to please their partners. For most vulva-owners, pleasure has much more to do with clitoral stimulation than penetration. A small subsection of women can get off purely from penetration, but that fraction of the population is wildly overrepresented in porn. This overrepresentation has given many men the wrong impression about how important their erection is to getting their partner off.
This knowledge can take the pressure off of getting an erection, which is very helpful for people who have sexual performance anxiety or difficulty getting and staying hard. So, relax and realize that your penis size doesn’t have to be the focus of hot sex.
Clitoral Stimulation Does Matter
For most vulva-owners, clitoral stimulation is the easiest and most consistent way to reach climax. To become good at clitoral stimulation, you’ll have to ask your partner what they like. Clitorises have a wide range of sensitivities, and each one is different. The best way to find out what your partner wants is to ask. Some people are so sensitive that direct touch will cause pain, while others like strong stimulation as long as they are fully turned on. Learn what your partner likes clitorally, and don’t rush the process! People with vulvas often take much longer to reach climax, so plan on spending some quality time so that they don’t feel hurried.
Be an Equal Partner
Avoiding STIs and unwanted pregnancies are not solely the duties of vulva-owners. If you are having sex with someone where either could happen, have a conversation about it. Consider getting a vasectomy if you know you don’t want to become a parent. Sharing the responsibility of taking precautions for the sake of your health is sexy. Plus, you’ll have the peace of mind knowing that you’ve done what you can to prevent surprises down the road.
Use Toys
Toys are a fun way to change up your sex life—or even for use during your routine sex. If your partner has a vulva, toys undoubtedly increase the chance that your partner can regularly orgasm from sex. Further, it can take the pressure off the performance and your erection. And carefree sex can be scorching hot.
If you’re both on board for trying some new toys, discuss which kind of toys you’d like to incorporate. Do you want to masturbate in front of each other with your fun new gadgets? Or would you prefer something that would seamlessly and quietly integrate into penetrative sex? Once you know the answer, you’ll be able to search for the best toy for you. Then, ensure that the toys you choose are made from body-safe materials. Bonus points for picking up some toy-compatible lube!
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.