If you’ve ever wondered how priests maintain the vow of celibacy, you’re not alone. Let’s take a peek at common misconceptions about celibacy, asexuality, and abstinence, and how a sex-free lifestyle can shape your sexuality.
What Celibacy Is
A priest’s vow of celibacy is well-known—and so is the legacy of corresponding sexual abuse allegations. But it’s not just priests that choose celibacy. Some people take brief breaks from the dating scene and abstain to clear their heads and prioritize their mental health—for instance, after a divorce. Others may want to shift the focus in their life to something other than sex for a while. Others still may choose not to engage in sex because of prior sexual abuse.
Keep in mind: celibacy is different from chastity, and they are both different from sexual abstinence and asexuality. Somewhat surprisingly, celibacy simply means to abstain from marriage. That’s it! Chastity is a vow to abstain from sex entirely—even from masturbation. Sexual abstinence typically refers to refraining from partnered sex but allows for masturbation.
For priests and other people of faith, much like therapists, it’s extra crucial to be vigilant of their mental states and desires. Priests may still have sexual desires, and if they aren’t aware of this and dealing with it, they can bring unintended sexual energy when they are meeting with their parishioners. Being mindful and intentional is imperative for priests in order to avoid spiritual or sexual abuse.
The Difference Between Celibacy and Asexuality
Asexuality is different than celibacy. People who are asexual feel very little or an absence of sexual attraction and need for sexual contact. This is different from a low-desire disorder, as asexual people consider their asexuality a part of their personality. And choosing to not engage in sex is significantly different from never having had the desire in the first place. Asexual people (or aces as they are commonly known) still may have romantic long-term relationships.
The Impact Celibacy Has
When people take a vow of celibacy, there is a period of grieving for their former sexual life. And yet, celibate people still carry their sexuality as a part of their personality—it’s only that they no longer physically act on the feelings they have inside. There’s really no way to permanently separate ourselves from our sexuality because it’s a core component of our humanity.
Those who don’t partake in sex for a while will likely still feel sexual arousal, and masturbation is an easy and healthy way to release the tension. Religions, of course, do not always recommend masturbation, but from a psychological point of view, it’s a great way to stay sane and not have sex at the same time. Deciding not to deal with your sexual energy for an undetermined amount of time is a recipe for sexual abuse within the religious community or a recipe for massive frustration for those who are not religious.
Healthy Celibacy
Taking some time without sex can be a great idea depending on your situation and your motivation. It can bring a period of clarity after death or divorce, and it can help you understand more about yourself before you move on to finding another partner. A period of sexual abstinence can also give you time to focus on your nonsexual relationships like your friendships or family.
If you’re considering giving up sex, reaching out to a therapist can be a huge benefit. A therapist can help you set goals, engage in self-care, and become intentional about your mental health during your period of sexlessness.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.