Upgrading your sex life doesn’t have to be complicated. Start with these five tips, and you’ll be well on your way toward an orgasmic, fulfilled future.
Learn from the Past
Taking stock of your sex life is something you should do with your partner every so often. Introspection is a great end-of-year activity, so consider putting it on the calendar. You could do a retrospective on your sex life. What were the highlights and the lowlights? Talk about what makes you feel connected during sex and what brings you out of the moment. Even if you aren’t ready to discuss these with your partner, knowing them will help you advocate for yourself and get more of what you want. Chat about when you were turned on but not hard or wet, and when you were aroused but not mentally turned on. These conversation channels offer valuable wells of knowledge for deeper connection and better sex.
Communication and good sex are inextricably entangled. Though you can have one without the other, it’s less likely. Amping up your communication skills is a critical step on the path to better sex. Plus, they can help you resolve problems that could lead to sexlessness. Communication sounds easy but it can be particularly difficult for people who have been faking orgasms, have a secret kink, or are interested in doing something outside the norm. Nervous about that first conversation? The first step is watching this video with five ideas to jumpstart the discussion:
Date Night, Upgraded
A brand-new date might be just what the doctor ordered. When you do something new, it brings to life a side of your partner you may not have seen before. Realizing how multifaceted your partner is can help you overcome those feelings of overfamiliarity and remember that they are a separate person. If the dynamic with your partner has descended into something that feels like siblings or roommates, this is a great place to start.
Plan for Sex
Stop waiting for desire to spontaneously arrive, and take turns initiating sex. Remember that arousal doesn’t always strike like lightning; it’s something that you can curate and develop by engaging sexually with your partner. If scheduled sex feels like a bummer, you can each initiate once a month (or however often is natural and mutually fulfilling), and it will feel spontaneous to the other person. This strategy is excellent for people who hate to put sex on the calendar.
You can get ready, incorporate a toy, or do something to make the event feel special. It’s also a time to think about what you want more of from your sex life. If you want to involve more creativity, you could set up a role-play scenario. If you crave more romance, you could heat up a bath, turn on your song, and light candles. It’s an invitation for you to show your partner your ideal circumstances for getting intimate, and a chance for them to get to know you better. You can give them an example of what makes you feel loved, and then it’s their turn to reciprocate!
Give Them Room to Breathe
Hold space for your partner to change. You will want to make transformations and improvements to your lifestyle, habits, and personality as you learn and grow. Hopefully, your partner will do the same. Staying aligned even when you aren’t moving in the same direction is crucial. Talk about changes you’d like to make before you make them and how you plan to stay connected. Flexibility is everything when you’re in a long-term relationship.
Out with the Old, In with the New
Leave bad habits in the past. “Bad” is a relative term, and it encompasses anything that’s not serving you as you are right now. Maybe you always do the same thing sexually, whether with a partner or while you’re masturbating. Or perhaps you expect sex to look like the movies or porn you’ve watched. Now is the time to course correct. Trying new things can help you develop sexual resilience and be able to weather awkward moments and surprises. A well-rounded sex life will inevitably have disappointments and unexpected experiences, but those detours allow you to appreciate the connected, hot moments even more.
Work With an Expert
Let’s get started on crafting your best sex life today. Contact me for a free consultation.