Masturbation is an act of self-pleasure, but it can also be an act of self-expression or connection. Masturbation, when done with intention, should help your desire sharpen and surge, not drain the libido out of you. If you do it to zone out, you might be missing some of the physical and mental benefits that come with a masturbation practice. Below are some tips to keep your masturbation practice from plateauing.
You’re Worth the Extra Effort
Spending time to turn yourself on is an excellent activity. Fantasy or porn is fun occasionally, but knowing how to turn yourself on without external media is a superpower. Doing it the old-fashioned way forces you to slow down and notice what you like. This will help you be better in bed—even if you’re alone in that bed. And it will help you articulate how you want to be touched by your partner.
A stumbling block that many people encounter is that when masturbation takes effort, it may first register in our brains as less pleasurable or less fun. But if you can stay present and curious, you may find more pathways to pleasure that you wouldn’t have tried if you didn’t stick with it. When you learn these new routes to orgasm, it can be rewarding and remind you that you don’t need to adhere to one masturbation process. In fact, doing the same thing repeatedly is bound to get boring.
Racing Through a Routine Can Ruin It
Masturbation shouldn’t feel like a quick, dirty fling—unless that’s how you like it. If you find yourself speeding through solo play to have a quick orgasm, it’s time for some introspection. Quickies, whether with a partner or alone, are excellent. But they don’t have to be the only form of sexual expression you have. Spending time with yourself is worthwhile, whether to explore, to build anticipation, or to show yourself some love. You may rediscover something you used to like but haven’t done in a while, or you may discover something you never would have guessed you enjoy.
There’s an unlearning curve, meaning it will take some time to replace the habit of rushing through it with new ones. Your brain naturally optimizes habitual activities. With practice, you will become faster at anything you routinely do. So, it takes intention and focus to slow down and learn to see the masturbation experience through new eyes.
You can miss a lot when you aren’t in the present moment. And many of us spend most of our lives focused on the past or future. Sometimes it’s necessary, but during solo pleasure, it can be limiting. How do you access mindfulness and presence? It can be as simple as taking a few deep breaths, clearing your mind with a hot bath or gentle stretching, or using an app to find a guided meditation. Take time to realize that you deserve self-pleasure and that it is healthy to have pleasure as a priority.
Changing Your Habits Can Result in Better Orgasms in the Long Run
Your masturbation technique can be refined and age well, like wine, if you are open to learning new things and experimenting. Doing exactly what you did when you first learned to masturbate may be the quickest path toward orgasm, but it may not be the most pleasurable one. Having a habit can turn into such an entrenched pattern that you may feel like you can’t get off without it, whether that habit is a certain type of porn, touch, or foreplay. And when you get out of that pattern, self-touch becomes expansive once again.
Adding an element of novelty to your self-pleasure routine often results in greater satisfaction, just the way it does during partnered sex. You’ll have a greater range of pleasure and self-knowledge. But you’ll also develop the resilience to deal with uncertainty in the bedroom, and you’ll be able to tolerate the learning process. This skill can set you up for better sex for a lifetime. Sometimes viewing it as a creative process can help you reframe the skills you need to widen your purview.
Practical Tips for Getting Started
Assume you will rush more than necessary, so slow down more than feels natural. When you go slow, you have more time to pinpoint things that add to your arousal. If you feel the need to go to your favorite fantasy, notice that. Try something new instead. Your imagination is a powerful erotic tool, and it’s important to keep it flexible, like a muscle, so that it can help you pioneer new and sexy dynamics.
When things are slow and quiet, your inner critic may get loud. Rather than drowning out that voice with porn or something else, tune into it. Listen to what it has to say, and then question its veracity, its helpfulness. Standing up to it can help you dismantle it permanently.
Sometimes, working with a therapist is the best path to better orgasms. But talking with a stranger can be intimidating, especially about a sensitive topic. If you’re wondering what to expect and how to avoid common pitfalls, my video has you covered:
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