Many men are raised to appear emotionally invincible, and because of this, it can be hard for them to access their vulnerable side. Yet a lack of vulnerability can cause happy relationships to fail, shut people out, and result in isolation. Opening yourself up to others is a skill, but knowing where to start after years of neglecting your emotions is tricky. Let’s discuss where you can begin.
Devaluing the Importance of Connection: A Dangerous Game
Because heterosexual men are so frequently taught to minimize the value of connection, they may receive all their social support from their wife or female partner. They may not realize that they’ve allowed their wife to carry the burden of all the social planning, and relationships that their wife doesn’t maintain may fall by the wayside. This means that divorce can be extra devastating for men, as they don’t just lose their life partner but their friendship circle, too. When you neglect the importance of a strong social life, ironically, you end up more vulnerable if your marriage or long-term relationship ends.
The first step is unlearning the idea that emotional connections don’t matter. Your level of connectedness is so important that it impacts your physical health and even your lifespan. As you age, strong relationships are crucial barometers for your quality of life, and it’s easiest to develop strong friendships while you’re younger. The sooner you start nurturing your social life, the better.
Healthy Masculinity Includes Vulnerability
Many people define masculinity as the absence of femininity. This sociological binary makes people choose between character traits they’d like to embody or develop, when they don’t need to. Men don’t have to choose between “being men” and being vulnerable, prioritizing connection, and feeling gentle. The dichotomy makes masculinity toxic in some cases. Rejecting femininity comes at a steep price to men and women. It can be painful and separate them from their humanity. A healthy sense of masculinity will include emotional accessibility and occasional vulnerability.
Vulnerability takes practice and safety. When you open up about something important for the first time, ensure you do it with someone who knows you well and whom you trust. Creating a backlog of experiences that went well helps reframe your perspective so, in the future, you feel safe, and less vulnerable when being open.
Yet, even if you don’t have someone in your life currently with whom you feel completely safe, it’s often worth the gamble. Intimacy is formed only after you risk being your genuine self around someone. There’s no guarantee it will turn out the way you’d like, but it can be a rewarding endeavor. Growth can happen quickly when you expand your comfort zone.
Therapy: The First Step
Therapy is an important stop along the path toward vulnerability and harmonious masculinity. Yet, men are often taught that needing emotional help is a weakness. In reality, going to therapy is like going to a class. You learn about your mental health and habits that are holding you back from your goals. And you learn how to get in touch with yourself, no matter if what you find is masculine or feminine. Taking control of your mental health is a strength, and so is the confidence to be vulnerable and genuine among those you trust.
You’re probably already aware that going to therapy may help you solve temporary problems like conflicts at work or at home. But the benefits of therapy are deeper than that. You can learn about how to please your partner in bed, helping them to feel more motivated to initiate sex. You can understand how to find sexual fulfillment and access a more confident, dominant side. Becoming more dominant in the bedroom starts with watching this video about taking charge:
Beyond that, in therapy, you can learn important skills about how to repair rifts in relationships, become emotionally available for the people who need you, and balance work and family responsibilities. Therapy can help you set and attain goals for your sex life, relationship, and mental health.
For more science-backed advice, contact me for a free consultation today.