As you age, you may realize that it takes longer to reach orgasm. This is a normal part of growing older, but it doesn’t mean you have to accept it without taking action. Your genital tissue may become more desensitized after a lifetime of use. Your nerves gradually become less sensitive, which may be helpful for people who have pain during sex. But for others, it can make sexual touch feel dulled and climaxing can become more difficult. You deserve orgasms; they are a significant part of sexuality. Here are some common culprits behind delayed orgasms and how to mitigate their effects.
Your Body, Your Hormones
Your hormones play a critical role in your ability to reach orgasm, and they may change as you age due to surgeries, injuries, or natural causes. As your hormones fluctuate and you don’t produce as much estrogen or testosterone as you used to, it’s natural to feel your desire level dip. But you don’t have to accept the idea that your sexual function will decline. Taking initiative early in the aging process can help slow the decline and significantly improve your pleasure levels. It’s always a good idea to check with your primary care physician to make sure nothing sinister is going on and to see what new advancements the field of medicine has to offer. Your doctor can check your hormone levels to see how much they have dipped, and they can monitor your blood for other deficiencies that may contribute to lower desire. Doctors can help you determine if the problem is psychological or physical by process of elimination, helping you find answers more quickly.
Mind Over Matter
Another component of delayed orgasm is psychological. When you were younger, the very idea of having sex may have been enough to turn you on. But as you have more sexual experiences, your tastes have changed and refined. This is a good thing, as you have more sexual wisdom. But it will take effort and curiosity to ensure you can still find sexual satisfaction. One good test to see if your difficulty orgasming is physiological or not is to try masturbating. If you can climax effortlessly, you’ll know that the trouble reaching orgasm is contextual and doesn’t have to do with your body.
It’s crucial to incorporate more mental stimulation in addition to more physical stimulation. Yes, you may need more friction or a tighter grip but don’t overlook the possibility that you may just need to fantasize out loud with your partner or try something new together.
Easy Does It
Losing sensitivity can occur due to an over-aggressive masturbation practice, and when your sensitivity is reduced, it can take longer to climax. If you always masturbate while watching pornography, you may come to rely on a level of visual stimuli for orgasm that is difficult to find in real life. And if you use too much pressure or too firm of a grip, you may find that sex with a partner doesn’t have the same effect that it used to.
If you have a penis, your refractory period may be to blame. People with vulvas have an easier time in general having multiple orgasms. People with penises typically have a period where they can’t have another orgasm, and this period may get larger as you age. Focusing on the quality of orgasm over quantity can help keep your sex life aligned with your priorities.
Medication Mayhem
Sometimes, your anti-depressants or other medications may delay orgasm. They are so effective that they are often used to treat premature ejaculation. And don’t underestimate the impact that stress can have on your sex life. If you think this might be the root cause, check out my YouTube video below for tips on how to work through it:
Turning the Tide
The good news is that our bodies are adaptable and can adjust to change. You can reverse the effects by masturbating less often, taking a break from porn or switching to audio erotica, or using a lighter touch during solo play. The quicker you act to address your changing sexual health, the more likely you are to catch it early and successfully change course. There is a constellation of treatment options, from a prescription to talk therapy to alternative medicine for you to try. Don’t limit yourself before you know the options, and don’t stop until you find a treatment that works for you. When you wait to discuss treatment, your condition has time to worsen. What’s more is that you’ll have racked up some negative experiences, which can compound the effect it has on your sexual confidence and mental health. Seeking treatment should be the first course of action, not a last resort.
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I can help you work through psychological issues that hold you back in the bedroom. Contact me for a free consultation.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.