Most of us didn’t receive scientifically accurate, pleasure-inclusive sex education in school. Instead, we got a lecture on how not to get pregnant unintentionally or contract an STI, making it feel as though sex is dangerous and serious. Knowledge is power, and in this case, it’s also sexual pleasure. Here’s what you may have missed.
What Mainstream Curriculum Skipped Over
Your sex ed teacher may have had the best intentions, but most were not given complete training on how to provide a shame-free, pleasure-based sex education to middle and high school students. Even today, fewer than half of the states in the US require medically accurate sex education, which means that even in public school, you may have received sex education with religious roots. Your sex education largely depended on your teacher’s background, feelings about sex, and upbringing, which is not ideal. Without standardized education based on science, the likelihood of someone pushing their values and biases on you skyrockets.
Essential info like your ability to have shameless pleasure via masturbation isn’t often touched on. Puberty is covered, but consent may not have been. Different sexual acts and practical communication skills are often skipped, but STI testing is typically not. You may not have any information on masturbation, pleasure, or sex toys. Pelvic floor health is often nonexistent as well.
Abstaining from the Facts
Abstinence-only education is still prevalent in some areas, even though repeatedly telling people not to have sex has never worked. Keeping the facts hidden from them hasn’t reduced sexual activity, but it does increase the number of unplanned pregnancies and STIs. When abstinence-only education happens, conversations about barriers and birth control are absent because they contradict the notion that you must abstain. The belief that you don’t have the right to birth control when you decide to become sexually active persists and can be devastating.
The damage that unscientific sex education does is incalculable. When you receive misinformation, you also collect shame, dangerous ideas about condoms and STIs, and the inability to make informed decisions about your sexual health and pleasure. This can devastate the quality of your sexual experiences.
Birth Control and Bodily Autonomy
You may have received misinformation about abortion, too, or the difference between birth control and abortion in an effort to keep your “virginal” status longer. Among the most dangerous things that are overlooked in sex education is sexual communication about boundaries and consent. But research shows that information doesn’t make kids engage in sex sooner but rather the opposite: that many may delay sex.
For more tips on how to communicate effectively about sex, check out my YouTube video below:
Parents Can Miseducate You, Too
Sometimes, parents and sex ed teachers conflate the ideas of information and permission. They may think that giving you all the facts about your body is also giving you permission to have sex at too young of an age. Parents may also worry that they don’t have enough information or the right qualifications to teach what you need to know. But it’s okay to talk with your kids about areas where you feel confident, and then read science-backed, medically accurate books together to learn more.
Girls specifically benefit from pleasure-based sex education, and they suffer when it’s not available. Safety is important, but so is pleasure and advocating for yourself. And our culture values male sexual pleasure and does little to educate on other genders.
When you don’t have access to all the information, the natural inclination is to do your own research. This is how many people end up watching porn to learn how to have sex. While porn is great for entertainment, it’s kind of like watching The Fast and the Furious to learn how to drive. It’s not practical, and it’s often more extreme than what you will experience in real life.
Further, you can make dangerous decisions without knowing you’re doing so when you don’t have accurate information. You may think you’re being as careful as possible, using a condom for protection and lube for comfort, but if you’re using oil-based lube, it can create holes in the condom. The more you know, the more pleasurable, safer sex you can have.
Ready for More?
If you have more questions about how to get the most out of your sex life, working with an expert is a great idea. Contact me for a free consultation today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.
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