There’s a lot to love about quickies: spontaneity, adrenaline-pumping excitement, urgency, and an orgasm in less time than regular lovemaking takes. Here’s how to elevate quickies so that they are pleasurable for everyone involved.
What a Quickie Is
What constitutes a quickie varies from couple to couple. If your usual sex routine takes two hours, a thirty-minute go might be a quickie. If you usually take twenty minutes, a five-minute pleasure sesh may qualify as a quickie. But the point isn’t to go faster; the point is to give in to your desire, and unleash the desperate, burning yearning that you perhaps don’t always encounter in a long-term relationship. It’s not rushing through what you always do—it’s usually doing things a little bit differently, more passionately, that makes it so intense.
Quickies don’t have the same advantages and disadvantages as your everyday, run-of-the-mill sex. Quickies are sometimes used as shorthand intimacy if you don’t have much time but still want to physically connect with your partner. But the best quickies happen when you combine urgency, novelty, and pleasure.
A Quickie, But Butter
Quickies, like any form of sex, can become a routine. To avoid the pitfall of a boring quickie, you’ll need to employ some forethought. For instance, some quickies prioritize penile ejaculation and pleasure because, in some cases, men can reach orgasm more quickly than people without penises. This is okay occasionally, but it shouldn’t be the default mode for sex. If you have a quickie and your partner can’t reach orgasm, balance it out by making your next intimate time all about them. If the pleasure becomes lopsided, the bedroom will become a breeding ground for resentment.
Next, talk to your partner about what excites them about quickies and how to make it more pleasurable for them, even if orgasm isn’t the goal. Your partner may want to feel that you need to have them immediately, and they might get off from your excitement. The more clearly you can articulate what you find hot about a quickie—whether that’s being slammed against the wall, having your clothes torn off, or even a certain phrase that gets you going—the easier it will be for your partner to make it a hot experience for you.
For more information on how to communicate your sexual desires, check out my video below:
Harder, Faster, Better
The intensity of a quickie lends itself well to giving BDSM a try. If you like the idea of being bent over the counter or your partner pleasuring you while you’re in semi-public, you might just be learning about a kink you have. Turn up the heat by asking your partner to be more dominant, possessive, or subservient, and if they’re game, you might both learn something new about your sexual template.
The Early Bird Has Better Sex
If your partner needs a lot of foreplay and arousal to enjoy a quickie, consider turning them on early from afar. Send flirty or dirty text messages, pictures, or voicemail when you can’t be together during the workday. Let them know what you want to do to them so they can think about it all day. If you need another boost, try edging by masturbating without reaching climax beforehand so that your body is ready for a quickie. Another option is using a toy during the quickie, which can significantly increase the likelihood that your partner reaches orgasm.
From the Bed Down to the Floor
Location matters, too. Quickies won’t feel as passionate if your passion can wait until you get to your bedroom. When you crave that immediate explosion of desire, have sex where you are, as long as you are somewhere that you can find a little privacy. Feeling frisky during Netflix and Chill? Do it right there, on the couch, before the movie ends. Loving the way your partner looks while cooking? Do it on the counter! Just remember to ask for consent to ensure that they’re feeling as excited as you are.
Getting the Okay
Consent is vital, even during fast and furious sex. Since it happens quickly, it’s best to work out as many details in advance as possible. Feeling safe is a cornerstone of desire, and your partner deserves to feel secure. Find out what kinds of touches your partner likes right off the bat, which will almost certainly be different from the types of touch they enjoy when they gradually work up their arousal. Don’t forget to discuss turnoffs because you won’t have time to backtrack if your partner shuts down.
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.