Sex shouldn’t hurt, but all too often, people experience pain during penetration. No matter your gender, you deserve a pain-free, pleasurable sex life, and the tips below can help you get there faster.

Pinpoint the Root of the Pain

Locating the source of or reason behind the pain is the first step. It could be coming from the skin, the pelvic floor muscles, a neurological disorder, a pharmacological side effect, an STI flare-up, the shape of your anatomy, car accidents or sports injuries, or it could also be psychological. Some of these problems can occur together, making the solution more difficult to unravel, and if there is more than one cause, you may need more than one type of treatment to reach full recovery. The physical activities you engage in can result in your body becoming out of alignment, which has an impact on your pelvic floor. 

Consider Physical Therapy

Physical therapists can help with things beyond vaginal pain, including erectile dysfunction, prolapse, incontinence, and trouble reaching climax. Getting physical therapy is a gentle way to begin and is especially helpful for anyone who wants to avoid surgery, taking a prescription, or anything invasive. It can give you the skills to practice tensing the muscles, releasing the tension, and lengthening the muscles so that you have a healthy pelvic floor. Remember, pelvic floor muscles don’t always need toning—sometimes the pelvic floor is too tight, which can cause pain due to lack of blood flow if you are unable to release the tension. They can also help you learn whether a dilator (vaginal or anal) can help make sex less painful. 

Advocate for Yourself

Even if you’ve been told before that there’s nothing wrong with you, don’t quit until you find relief! Seeking answers is the only way to break free from pain during intercourse. It takes courage to speak up about issues that make you feel vulnerable, especially sex-related issues, but advocating for yourself is a vital life skill. If you blame yourself for the pain, that can make reaching out for help even more difficult. Sexual pain isn’t normal, but it is common, and you have nothing to feel ashamed about. Find a doctor who listens to you and takes your concerns seriously.

Waiting for something to go away isn’t the best solution. Pain that you’ve not dealt with, whether physiological or psychological, doesn’t usually resolve on its own. Instead, it tends to fester and worsen or pop up at the least convenient times—like during sex. Keep voicing your concerns until they are addressed. If sexual pain goes untreated, it may result in a sexless relationship. For more info on how to avoid that, watch my video below:

Move Your Body

There are also some ways you can help mitigate sexual pain at home. Stretching helps, so consider incorporating yoga practice. If a weak pelvic floor is the problem, yoga poses can help strengthen those muscles and can lead to less sexual pain. Certain toys like dilators or toys built for pelvic floor rehabilitation can help you get back on track.

Switch Up Your Positions

Trying different positions during sex can also change the game completely. If it’s your back that hurts during sex, try a sex pillow, which come in a range of sizes and fit various budgets. You’ll want to choose the cushion based on your most frequently enjoyed positions. But cushions are great sex aids for vaginal pain, too, as the angle of insertion can be the culprit for the discomfort. 

Ready to Be Pain-Free?

I can help you narrow down the causes of your sexual pain, refer you to appropriate specialists, and get your sex life back. Contact me for a free consultation today

Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform.  Click here to take the sex quiz for women.