Trying something new with your partner can make you feel vulnerable—and so can the act of telling your partner about something you think you’d be into. However, vulnerability pays off since people who try new things sexually with their partners report higher levels of confidence. Novelty not only enhances interest, but it can help you feel more connected to your partner. You might find a new side of yourself, and they might discover something new, too! You may find you have a kink that you’ve never nurtured or learn a hidden talent you have. Here’s why novelty might be the most important ingredient in a satisfying sex life.
Why Novelty Is Imperative
First and foremost, novelty reduces feelings of sexual inertia. It’s not guaranteed that you’ll have an amazing sexual experience when you try something for the first time, but at the very least, you won’t be bored! You’ll learn something new about yourself. Plus, when you are both in the mindset of trying something new, it shows a mutual ability to prioritize your sex life, communicate about your interests, and find common ground. These skills are necessary for a great sex life and a thriving relationship.
When you treat your sex life as an erotic adventure, you focus on pleasure and excitement rather than limiting things like how you look or whether or not you have an orgasm every single time. As with any adventure, the payoff lies in stepping outside your comfort zone, where surprise, anticipation, suspense, and wonder all live. But to venture into uncharted sexual territory, you have to put extra emphasis on consent and safety.
Where to Start
Trying something new can be as simple as focusing on a new sense—like temperature play. It could also be revoking a sense, like with a blindfold or handcuffs. Changing the location of where you typically have sex can bring a certain freshness, even if you don’t change anything else. Trying a new position is also an excellent idea. It can change your sensations, but it also gives you a different view, can be more comfortable, and can open new dimensions of pleasure.
Check out my video below for tips on The Pretzel Position:
A Small Purchase Can Lead to a Significant Payoff
Another way to experience novelty in your sex life is by trying sex toys. Sex toys aren’t just for masturbation—they are perfect for enhancing pleasure and helping your partner to learn more about what helps you climax. Sex toys can do things that are impossible to do with your body, so you may experience sensations that are otherwise nonexistent in your sex life. Knowing what you like from a toy can also help your partner understand more about your body. Sex toys may make your erection firmer or vibrate against your clit; they may add anal sensations to an activity you already enjoy; they may add stimulation to your nipples or other body parts that may be left out during sex, allowing your partner to focus on getting you off in different ways.
Reimagining Roleplay
Roleplay is another exhilarating way to introduce novelty into your sex life and is particularly good for people who shy away from new sexual activities. Roleplay allows you to step away from the role you play in your everyday life and into a new role. It gives you a chance to become someone new in the bedroom—someone who may have fewer inhibitions or less stress, or who otherwise feels more sexually empowered. Using your imagination can help you stay engaged during sex and feel comfortable doing things you may not ordinarily be up for.
Adding In a New Twist
Lastly, playing with monogamy can help your relationship feel brand new. Don’t worry: you don’t have to jump into a threesome. But you could share your fantasies out loud, watch porn together during sex, or pay for an experience with a virtual sex worker. Any of the above can be exciting and new without all the work that goes into a successful threesome.
Next Steps
Having a specialist in your corner never hurts. Reach out for a free consultation!
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.