Everyone has a different set of sexual skills and areas where they could use some extra education. Sexual chemistry is an area that many people could use to brush up on, and that’s because our culture often regards sexual chemistry as something that just happens when it’s a skill you can learn. Below are some tips so that you can keep the chemistry flowing even when you’ve been together for years.
The Basics of Sexual Chemistry
Sexual chemistry is called chemistry because when you bring two elements together, something new happens that is more than the sum of its parts. A reaction occurs that feels new and unexpected. If this weren’t the case, it would be called sexual addition. Sexual chemistry ensues when you are bringing your unique personality, turn-ons, and vibes to the mix, and it encompasses far more than physical attraction. It includes passion, exploration, connection, and that indescribable feeling that draws you to someone. The more comfortable you are being yourself around your sexual partner(s), the easier it will be to ignite that flame.
Types of Attraction
Part of sexual chemistry is attraction. There are different types of attraction, and it’s critical to acknowledge them all. When you know the variety of ways that you’re attracted to your spouse, you can use them to keep your desire levels high, even decades into a long-term relationship. Beyond physical attraction, you may find your partner highly desirable when you see them exhibit one of their strengths, like when they mesmerize everyone at a party with a funny story or during a difficult set at the gym. Seeing them exhibit skill, intellect, power, or kindness may turn you on just as much as their cute smile.
Physical attraction is a component of chemistry. It’s not everything—but it is something. As you age, your bodies will change, so it’s essential to look for some timeless features that you love and find sexy, like the look in their eyes when they’re turned on. It’s not realistic to expect our partners not to change, but when you love someone, you’ll be able to find moments where the physical attraction is magnetic.
If you weren’t attracted to your partner in the beginning, changing that down the line is difficult. You may not be able to drum up physical attraction, so the best plan is to focus extra on the non-physical attraction you have for them. Make a list of times when you find them the most appealing, whether that’s when they nail a project at work, show intellectual prowess, or touch you in a way that lights you up. Attraction that isn’t physical can be just as potent as the kind that is.
Tantalizing Touches
Another way to elevate your sexual chemistry and connection is to learn how to touch your partner to turn them on. Some people may assume that certain kinds of touch turn their partner on, but you won’t know for sure until you ask them. Many long-term couples slip into habits of touching their partner platonically, the same way you touch your friends. But having a routine of special touches reserved only for your partner is vital. Start a ritual of extended kisses before you leave for work or mutual foot rubs after a long day. Make romantic touch a part of your daily routine to cultivate lust in your long-term relationship.
Watching your partner masturbate can help you understand what types of touch turn them on and help them climax. For more on how masturbation can be a healthy part of your relationship.
For more information, check out my YouTube video below:
Everyone has a constellation of factors that combine to make up their sexual preferences. While your ex may have found a neck rub the height of seduction, your current partner may have had parents who rubbed her neck, making the touch familial rather than seductive. Verbalizing what certain types of touch communicate to you can help you learn more about each other and refine your touch into something that will seduce your partner when it’s time to get intimate.
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.