Getting out of a routine can feel like a lot of work, but it doesn’t have to be. Instead, it can feel like playtime—especially when you incorporate sexual anticipation. Seduction, flirtation, and sexual anticipation can take regular sex to spectacularly hot heights. If you’re seeking solutions for a lackluster sex life, you’re in the right place. Follow the steps below to put the excitement back into your foreplay.
Start With Mindfulness
When we get into a routine, we rely on autopilot and muscle memory, going through the motions of an activity we know well. But going through the motions doesn’t cut it if you’re in the mood for something spicy. When you’re seducing your partner, you must put more thought and effort toward every step of intimacy. You’ll need to tune into what your body language is communicating and how your partner responds to your voice, movement, or touch—and that means being mindful throughout the process.
To tease someone effectively, you need to be precise with your movements. It also means you should see your partner as a sexual being and react to their inherent eroticism. You can’t simply rip off your shirt and socks and drop them on the floor as quickly as possible. Slowing everything down and being intentional increases the anticipation—and it can help you put on quite a show. Making eye contact is a great way to turn undressing before bed from an everyday activity into something that captivates your partner.
Seducing your partner is something you’ll probably want to do occasionally long-term, so don’t freak out too much if it doesn’t go perfectly the first time. If you feel silly or if your partner giggles, that’s okay. You’ll still learn how you want it to go next time, and you can make it even better.
For more information on reigniting desire in a long-term relationship, watch my YouTube video below:
Healing Disconnect
Effectively teasing someone heightens connection. But you can’t seduce your way around an argument—at least not in the long run. If you have unresolved tension in your relationship, it’s best to talk that out before trying something new during sex.
Teasing is meant to be fun, not frustrating. The better you know your partner, the easier it will be. Use the information you have about them to make it exquisite yet nearly torture. Both of you will need to be in easy-going, ready-for-fun states of mind before starting.
Creating an Erotically Charged Environment
Making a space where your partner can relax and enjoy being seduced is integral to amping up sexual anticipation. Checking in with your partner before beginning playtime is a good idea, too, as it won’t work if your partner is in the middle of a stressful day or has just heard some bad news. It’s crucial not to pressure your partner to respond favorably to your seduction when they aren’t in the mental space to do so.
Seduction comes in a couple of forms: psychological and physical. Psychological seduction can start well before you plan to have sex. Physical seduction involves overwhelming someone’s senses, letting them smell, taste, hear, and see you, all before they can fully touch you. An excellent way to do this is to give your partner a taste of what’s to come somewhere they can’t touch you—a dinner out, at the movie theater, or wherever you might be that they’ll need to behave themselves.
Getting Comfortable Outside Your Comfort Zone
Some people are intimidated by the idea of seducing their partner, but building anticipation is still possible. It may be easier to heighten the erotic charge by role-playing with their partner. That way, some of the pressure is gone. One of you could access your inner dancer and pretend that your partner is a stranger you just met at a bar. The options are endless! Accessing a sexual persona can help you comfortably do some things that you may not regularly see yourself doing in the bedroom. And once you get better at seduction, it’s sure to boost your sexual confidence.
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.