One of the most common fantasies around is having sex in public, a form of exhibitionism. Of course, in many places, this isn’t legal or advisable. But if you want to let out your inner exhibitionist, follow the tips to do it safely.
Why Sex in Public Is Hot
Part of the reason that sex in public is so tantalizing is because sex remains such a taboo. If sex were something we saw and discussed frequently, it wouldn’t be very boundary-pushing to sneak off to have sex in a public bathroom. But since we often define sex as something that happens behind closed doors, opening those doors can be revolutionary.
Safe Sex in Public
The most important prep work to do before playing with exhibitionism is to understand how to be safe and obtain consent. Any indecent exposure to strangers isn’t consent-oriented and is illegal in most places. To avoid those scenarios, you’ll want to find a rather closed off location. Sex where you might get caught is still quite thrilling.
You could try having sex in your car in an abandoned lot. But you need to ensure you’re in a safe neighborhood, too, in case onlookers want to join in and that’s not your goal. You may want to have sex in an airplane bathroom, but it’s becoming more and more difficult as restrictions rise and flight attendants become more vigilant. Both options are easy as long as you ensure that you aren’t likely to be seen.
Start by taking baby steps, like having sex in front of an open window on a high floor. This is best done if you don’t live on a busy street or have nearby neighbors with windows close to yours. Do your homework and prioritize your safety and the safety of others to ensure that when you have sex in public, it’s an ethical thrill, not a disaster.
Exhibitionism at Sex Clubs
If you want to have sex in front of people, you’ll need to get their explicit consent in advance. Even if people will hear you have sex, you need their consent first. Going to a swing club or hosting an orgy is the best way to do this. These are the places where people expect to see sex and want to see something explicit. You’ll still need to discuss what kind of sex the observers are okay with watching and what kind of sex your partner is okay with having in public. Sex parties may feel easier to navigate consent-wise, but consider possibilities like someone taping your performance or being recognized by a coworker. It may be very different than the type of sex you’re comfortable having at home. Further, you don’t need a partner to have sex in public—masturbation is equally as exhilarating.
Even if your goal is to have sex in front of others, you may want to go and observe a sex club or orgy first. Better yet, role play it from the comfort of your bedroom to ensure you like it. You may find that the fantasy outrivals the reality since your imagination can be so vivid, or you may love the heart-pulsing reality of having sex in public. You won’t know until you try it.
Public Sex Risks to Consider
Before getting started, identify what level of risk you’re willing to undertake. No one wants to risk traumatizing someone or end up on a sex offender list! If everything goes wrong with your plan, what will happen? Thinking about the worst-case scenario can help you be prepared in advance. You should also discuss with your partner what happens if one of you wants to stop in the middle. Or, how will you and your partner react if you simply don’t like the vibe? Have a contingency plan so you both feel safe. Without the feeling of emotional safety, sex in public will feel less pleasurable and more terrifying.
Your partner can’t consent until they have all the information, so go over every little detail before you begin. Reneging on a boundary or agreement you have can feel tantamount to cheating. As a result, you may wind up ending an otherwise healthy, loving relationship.
For more tips on how to communicate with your partner, check out my video below:
Taking It a Step Further
If you want professional advice on how to spice up your sex life, contact me for a free consultation today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.