Sometimes, foreplay is a dish best served cold—or hot, if you prefer. If you’re looking to turn up the heat in your sex life, here’s how to get started with temperature play.
Why Temperature Play Is Cool
Sex is often best when it overwhelms your senses. Think back to when you first started having sex with your partner. You may have been checking out their naked body with abandon, enjoying their scent, learning what they taste like, listening to their sounds of pleasure, and enjoying the feel of their touch. You were lost in the heat of the moment because your senses were on fire.
Temperature play helps you get lost in your senses again. It brings the unexpected back into your sex life, and it can help you focus on sensual foreplay. Slowing down and focusing on foreplay doesn’t just amp up anticipation; it can also help you deal with premature ejaculation and help ensure your partner climaxes, too. For more tips on coping with premature ejaculation, watch my video below:
Hot and Bothered
There are several ways you can use heat to make your sex life hotter, literally. Massage candles probably come to mind for most people, but you can branch out to other areas, too, like sex toys that can be warmed, hot stone massage, sex in an extra hot shower, or even hot peppers.
Before deciding what to use, think about your goals and turn-ons. Do you want to dabble with pain play? Or do you want to surprise your partner with new senses? You don’t have to buy something new to get started—you can use what you have around you. Turning off the air conditioning and having sex on a hot summer night can feel raw, even primal, and it is a form of temperature play.
Next, do some research on the tools you plan to use. Will your skin absorb the massage candle’s wax, or will you need to scrape it off? Is the candle meant for massage? If not, it could be too hot for temperature play. The more you know, the less chance you have of getting burned.
Cool as a Cucumber
Ice cubes are the most common way to cool down in the bedroom, but you could also put sex toys in the refrigerator or take a plunge into a cool pool or shower. Cold things can become dangerous easily, so ensure you aren’t using anything frozen directly on the skin, including an ice cube. Hold it in your hands for a moment to get it melty before applying it to your partner’s more sensitive areas.
With cold sensations, less is more. Icy feelings can become painful and uncomfortable quickly. Unless this is the goal, use it briefly for the element of surprise rather than constantly.
Safety First
Pain is different for everyone. So, the most important rule to remember is that everyone will have a different experience with temperature play. Even if you’ve used a sex toy or massage candle several times, when you use it with a new partner, they may find it to be too much. Never making assumptions about someone’s skin sensitivity or pain tolerance can help you prevent an injury.
Next, research hot and cold effects on the skin and how to prevent injury. If you’re using a sex toy, read the manual before getting started to help prevent damage to the toy or your skin.
Check the medicine cabinet, too. Some medications may impact your sensitivity. If this is the case, check with your doctor before engaging in anything on the extreme end of the spectrum.
Pro Tips
Consider the weather before getting started. If your partner wants a welcome temperature change, you can use icier sensations in the hot months and warming sensations during the chilly months. However, if you have a power exchange or BDSM dynamic, you may want to use the more punishing sensations on your partner.
Try using both sensations. If you’re taking a shower with your partner, change the temp from cool to warm—or cold to hot if you want something more extreme. Or, use an ice cube and a warmed up sex toy simultaneously. Combining the sensations can be eye-opening, and it might just lead to your hottest sex ever.
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.