Couples who have happy, healthy relationships that stand the test of time can connect deeply with their partner in many ways. Intimacy isn’t just physical connection—it covers far more bases. Let’s talk about how you can deepen your relationship by increasing the levels of connection between you and your partner, even after a fight.
Connecting After Conflict
The connection between you and your partner depends on a lot of things. It’s not just how your personalities match up when you’re having fun together; it also includes knowing how to reconnect after conflict. When you have a strong connection, you know how to repair the relationship after a big fight. Unfortunately, many couples simply move on with their lives after a conflict. When conflict isn’t addressed, it tends to fester and can show up in a multitude of ways—including an inability to focus during sex. Using your connection to help foster healing after you’ve fought is integral to the long-term health of your relationship.
Sometimes, people who were raised as men were not taught how to connect emotionally with their partners. In these cases, they can rely on sex as a substitute for repair. But having sex after an argument isn’t always a sign that you’re both on the same page. Sometimes, it’s more important to listen to your partner, understand why the conflict arose, and resolve to do better. After that, your continued intimacy will rely on your ability to keep your word.
Learning Your Partner’s Language
People sometimes assume their partner’s traits are more permanent than they are. Just like you learn about each other’s bodies and turn-ons at the beginning of the relationship, you can also learn how your partner responds to conflict. Your family may have been very comfortable fighting vocally, but their family may have kept fights silent. Finding a middle ground that allows you to stay calm during conflict can lessen the intensity of your fights. Your style of handling conflict isn’t a fixed part of your personality; it’s something you can hone and improve over time.
The Difference Between Physical Intimacy and Sex
When people talk about physical intimacy, they are often referring to sex. But physical intimacy goes well beyond the bedroom. It can include holding hands, cuddling up, a hot make-out session, a much-needed neck massage, and other displays of affection. Without having a mixture of ways you connect physically, you can miss out on some of the benefits of touch. You may feel lonely in your relationship, especially on emotional, intellectual, and spiritual levels.
Check out this video for more information on how sex and intimacy differ:
If you and your partner have a primarily sexual connection, that’s okay. But it’s essential to try to find other common ground together. Consider trying new things until you find a hobby you both enjoy and can cultivate together. Discuss significant ideas, like your thoughts on religion or politics, and focus on the areas where your philosophies overlap.
Though you can have great sex throughout your lifetime, as you get older, your sexual connection may only be a fraction of the different kinds of intimacy you have with your partner. You’ll want to share other forms, too. Sometimes, you will go through periods of sexlessness, perhaps during an illness or after the birth of a child. You will need other kinds of intimacy to sustain your relationship through those times.
More Help Getting Intimate
If you want more personalized tips for strengthening your connection, contact me for a free consultation today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.