Erectile dysfunction and erectile unpredictability are unquestionably challenging for the person whose penis they affect. But when you’re in a relationship, ED has more widespread implications. If you have ED, your partner is likely being affected, too. Below are examples of what they might be experiencing and how to deal with it as a couple.
Erectile Dysfunction Can Make Your Partner Anxious
Having ED can make your sex life irregular. You might have great sex for hours one night and not be able to achieve penetration at all the next. Never knowing what to expect from your partner’s body can make someone feel understandably uneasy.
Your partner’s anxiety can manifest in a couple of different areas. For one, they may worry that they’re doing something to turn you off or that you don’t find them as attractive as you used to. Similarly, your partner may fear that your relationship is not as close as it should be or that you’re interested in someone else. Your partner may blame themselves for the difficulty in your sex life.
Next, your partner may feel anxious about how ED changes your mood. If you get stressed out, defensive, or angry when your physical arousal doesn’t correspond with your mental arousal, they may worry about the toll that ED is taking on you. All this anxiety can make your partner nervous each time before you have sex, even when things are going well.
ED Can Disrupt Your Partner’s Sexual Pleasure
The best way to kill arousal is with anxiety. When you’re feeling apprehensive, you get stuck in your head which turns off your connection to your body. The truth is that your lack of sexual pleasure can have the knock-on impact of their loss of sexual pleasure, too. But rather than letting this information add to your performance anxiety, there are some tips you can use to help you become stronger as a couple and experience more sexual pleasure at the same time.
Managing Erectile Dysfunction With Your Partner
The first thing you need to do if you’re struggling with ED is to talk to your partner about it. If they don’t know that you might have a medical condition, they will likely blame themselves and the anxiety around having sex will continue to rise. Talk to them about what’s going on with your body so that you can address it together. Plus, having difficult sexual discussions can strengthen your communication skills.
One of the best ways to handle ED is to keep the stakes low. If you aren’t getting hard, it’s no big deal! Switch your activity to something that doesn’t require an erection, like performing oral sex on your partner. Keeping sex toys on hand can also give you a chance to get your partner off without putting any pressure on yourself to get and keep an erection.
Lastly, check in with your doctor. Sometimes pills can treat erectile dysfunction—but other times, the prescriptions won’t work. Either way, it’s an excellent idea to rule out any underlying medical issues.
For more tips on how to deal with erectile dysfunction in a long-term relationship, check out my video below:
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Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.