Sometimes pregnancy and childbirth have lasting repercussions for a couple’s sex life. And during the pregnancy, your sex life will probably change—at least a little. So, here’s what to expect (in the bedroom) when you’re expecting.
Where Sexual Problems During Pregnancy Begin
Sexual problems have infinite causes, and sexual issues during pregnancy are no different. If you had sexual difficulty before pregnancy, chances are that you are likely to have trouble during pregnancy, too. These lingering problems typically aren’t due to the pregnancy—but getting pregnant and the accompanying hormone changes and increased stress levels can cause them to boil over.
Other changes happen during pregnancy. It could be because the pregnant person is feeling the symptoms of pregnancy, or it could be that their partner isn’t interested or is concerned about hurting them or the body. Further, many couples experience a mismatch in desire levels during pregnancy. Luckily, these problems tend to be temporary and solve themselves a few months after the baby is born. But coping during the pregnancy can be difficult. This is an excellent time for the higher desire partner to use self-pleasure and masturbation to take care of their needs until their partner feels back to normal once again.
Sexual Changes by Trimester
When a person becomes pregnant, some hormonal changes will have ripple effects in their sex life. For instance, pregnant people may feel tired and nauseous in the first trimester, and their sex drive might plummet. These are all normal, temporary reactions.
During the second trimester, a pregnant person may feel somewhat better again. Nausea tends to subside, and energy levels tend to rise. This trimester is the one that most people feel at their most sexual. Plus, the changes in hormones can mean that some are even more interested in sex than usual. The extra blood flow may reach the genitals and increase sensitivity, and this can be a positive or a negative feeling during orgasm. Essentially, it can heighten the pleasure or make the sensation so overwhelming it may feel painful—even if the pregnant person has never had pain during orgasm before.
Plus, the body starts to change noticeably during the second trimester. Levels of sexual arousal will vary depending on how the individual person feels about their growing body.
The last trimester usually kicks up the levels of fatigue. Pregnant folks may feel less comfortable in their bodies as they are at their largest, and numerous sexual positions may become uncomfortable. Many will feel disconnected from their bodies, which makes it quite difficult to have pleasurable sex.
Post-Partum Sex
After pregnancy, there will likely be lingering sexual issues. For one, whoever had the baby is usually restricted from having sex for six weeks at a minimum. But not everyone is ready to jump right back into sex at six weeks. Healing takes different amounts of time for everyone, so it’s crucial that you don’t rush yourself or your partner during this vulnerable period.
Further, the parents may be going back to work very quickly after the baby is born. The baby will likely not be sleeping through the night yet, which can mean that the parents are exhausted and irritable, which is not a good formula for having sex.
There isn’t a magic bullet that will help parents get through this period, but it’s important that they both look forward to a time when they will prioritize their relationship again. Sometimes it can help to book a babysitter and put a date on the calendar. Waiting until you feel perfectly rested and refreshed isn’t always the best solution for your relationship, even when you have a new baby. Don’t forget to treat each other like lovers first and parents second—at least while you’re out on your date.
Getting Back to Normal
If you’re ready to get your sex life back but having trouble reconnecting, contact me for a free consultation.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to take the sex quiz for women.