If you’ve ever wondered what role nature and biology play in our sexual inclinations and how we mate, you’re not alone. Our ancestors and prior generations formed where we are as a society today and what is sexually acceptable versus what is stigmatized. We can learn a lot from looking at the past about the current state of sexuality.

Biology Versus Sociology

When analyzing history, it’s important not to make the mistake of misinterpreting sociology as biology. This misinterpretation happens when we look back at prior generations and realize that women didn’t work and make the (incorrect) assumption that women didn’t like to work outside the home or that men were better at it. Misogyny is easy to find in the annals of history, and so it’s essential to separate what happened due to biology versus the choices humans made based on social constructs like sexism, racism, and other biases.

Historical Relationship Commitments

Though we often view monogamy as the default, this wasn’t exactly the case many years ago. If you look at the animal kingdom, certain species are monogamous, but many more are not. We have been socialized to see monogamy as the “natural” state of relationships when history does not bear that to be true.

Evolutionary psychology has theories about fidelity. Many people in this field believe that women connect on an emotional level first while men connect on a physical level. However, modern research has called these assumptions into question. For instance, historically, women haven’t had the same access to resources as men have had. Since men have often had most of the money, power, and influence, women have had less incentive to cheat and have faced more consequences for cheating than men. These conditions offer nuance to the idea that men are more likely to cheat than women. 

Physical Attraction

The field of evolutionary psychology has developed theories on why people are attracted to others. Most of their ideas focus on heterosexual relationships who want to have children and the evolutionary desire to have a strong gene pool. Some of these theories assert that women like men with masculine characteristics because they seek protection, and men are attracted to women who look like they can bear children so that they can have a family.

However, we have evolved quite a bit since the days when romance solely sprung from the desire to have a family. And attraction has evolved now, too. Some women don’t seek out the most masculine man they can find. The reasons why people seek out relationships today have changed almost completely from why people sought relationships in the past. And people have the ability to be more fully themselves today, which is something everyone can appreciate.

What the Past Has to Say About the Future

Understanding how couples functioned in the past can provide a unique perspective on what we can expect in the future. What we experience as normal right now is very different from what our ancient ancestors experienced as normal. And what is normal now is not necessarily right. When we can see how different relationships worked and how far we’ve come, it can help us keep an open mind toward people who are in relationships that look very different from our own. It can help us all develop a sense of empathy, which we could all use more of. 
If you’d like help getting the most out of your relationship, contact me for a free consultation.

Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to download the 101 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hot checklist.