Couples who are together for a long time are likely to face a number of different sexual problems. From sexual boredom to sexlessness, it’s important to be able to face sexual problems together. Let’s talk about some of the most common reasons couples are dissatisfied with their sex lives and what can be done to increase your sexual chemistry.
Attraction Problems
Some people will get into serious relationships based on nothing other than physical attraction. On the other hand, there are some who will marry in spite of a lack of sexual chemistry. Perhaps they were ready to settle down and have children, or maybe they simply liked everything else about their partner. Is a lack of attraction a solvable relationship problem? Well, it depends. If there’s enough about your partner that you do like, you may find a deep level of sexual attraction that has nothing to do with physical attraction. As the saying goes, the brain is the largest sex organ. So, if you can connect on a mental level, you can find attraction there.
Issues With Arousal
One of the most common complaints among couples is that they no longer feel desired. They may feel loved, but that I’ve-got-to-have-you-right-now feeling has gone away. Sometimes, people get stuck in a rut because they have inflexible ideas about how to have sex. But the important thing to realize is that arousal has many facets. You can be visually aroused, psychologically aroused, intellectually aroused, or even physiologically aroused. One of the most common problems with arousal is that it takes time to build up. And when you take the time to build up arousal, you typically have really good sex.
Consider the beginning of your relationship. From the first time you thought about sex with your partner until you actually had sex with them, how long did it take? Hours, weeks, a month, or maybe even a year? But if you compare that to your most recent sexual activity, the thought of having sex was probably followed by sex within minutes. That’s not enough time to develop a deep sense of arousal.
Sexual Dysfunction
People who spend their lives together might face sexual dysfunction at some point. No matter your gender, you will go through menopause or andropause, and the change in hormones can impact your sex drive. Some may have pain during sex; people with penises may have trouble getting erections. But you don’t have to have boring sex when you get older.
There is not a one-size-fits-all solution to these problems, but the most important thing you can do is agree to face the problem together. Don’t add blame to the equation, as it can be poisonous for your sex life. Learning how to be adaptable is one of the best things you can do for your sex life since it can help you surmount almost any problem.
Something else that can help with sexual dysfunction is broadening your definition of what great sex is. Diving right into intercourse may no longer be possible, but so many other activities are accessible to everyone. Focusing on what you can do and prioritizing exploration over orgasm can help you find satisfying sex at any age.
If you want help to ensure that your sex life is timeless, contact me for a free consultation. I can give you practical, step-by-step advice on habits that can transform your sex life.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to download the 101 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hot checklist.