Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault
For survivors of sexual assault, sometimes even watching the news can be triggering. Sexual assault allegations are incredibly common, and we live in a system that protects perpetrators and interrogates the survivors. Rape culture is so prevalent that it can feel impossible to untangle. Before we can be a part of the solution, it’s crucial to understand what rape culture is and how it has affected us as a culture.
Rape Culture: What It Is
We still grow up in a world that teaches men that they are not responsible for raping and teaches women that they are responsible if they are raped. For example, as early as elementary school, dress codes are formed around the idea that girls shouldn’t “distract” boys with their clothing, rather than teaching boys that you shouldn’t objectify anyone, no matter how they’re dressed.
Politicians on both sides of the aisle have been the subjects of sexual assault allegations, and unfortunately, people tend to defend politicians who are rapists as long as they have similar political ideals. Many women have been in the unlucky position of deciding whether to vote for someone whose political positions they agree with but has been accused of rape, or someone they disagree with. The problem is that sexual assault is common, so people in places of power in all industries are often offenders.
How Our Culture Protects Rapists
The idea that sexual assault is widespread is hard to handle. It means that a lot of otherwise nice, progressive, friendly people have the capacity to resort to violence when they don’t get what they want. Rather than realize that many men have been raised to take what they want without consent, we search for reasons to blame the women. The inescapable misogyny in our culture that seeks to question women’s decisions rather than hold men accountable for their decisions makes sexual assault all the more traumatizing. Women are guilty of victim-blaming, too, because they want to feel a sense of safety. They want to feel like if they make different decisions, they can keep themselves safe.
Rape is the only crime where people speculate on whether or not the victim “deserved” to be victimized. That’s where the misogyny comes in. Though women have made a lot of strides in gaining rights, in many ways, women who face sexual assault are still treated like sexual property.
How to Fight Against Rape Culture
To combat rape culture, we have to start treating rape like a decision. Someone decides to rape; no one decides to get raped. To move forward, we must stop protecting the rapists. Even if someone is close friends or related to a rapist, they must realize that their loved one deserve to face the consequences for what they’ve done.
Next, we have to insist on lawmakers and judges that enact punishments for rapists. Voting is important to see change, but so is making personal changes in our own lives. We cannot give a pass to people we trust and love who have questionable values and treat consent as optional. Men, especially, should call out their friends who treat women poorly and violate boundaries.
Further, we have to move beyond getting consent as the only thing you need to be a good sexual partner—because that leaves a lot of room for pressuring someone into giving consent. Instead, we should have more comprehensive sex education that empowers women to embrace their sexuality rather than regard it with shame and hesitance.
Moving On From Sexual Assault
If you want to find a healthy sexuality and enjoyable sex life after an assault, it’s crucial to work with a trusted therapist to process the trauma. Contact me for a free consultation today.
Bio: Dr. Nazanin Moali is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in the Los Angeles area. She works with various individuals to understand and improve their sexuality. Dr. Moali conducts personal consultation sessions in her Torrance and Hermosa Beach offices, or via a secure, online video-counseling platform. Click here to download the 101 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Hot checklist.