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What does it mean if you can’t orgasm with a partner, even though you can experience pleasure or reach orgasm alone? Difficulty reaching orgasm during partnered sex can involve performance pressure, trouble staying present, insufficient or mismatched stimulation, relationship dynamics, medication, health factors, or difficulty communicating what feels good.
In Episode 510 of the Sexology Podcast, Dr. Nazanin Moali speaks with Anna Cordin about her personal experience of faking orgasms for 30 years. Anna explains what changed when she met her husband and how trust, emotional connection, honest communication, and feeling more present helped her experience partnered orgasm for the first time at age 49.
Why Can’t I Orgasm With a Partner?
Being able to orgasm alone but not with a partner does not necessarily mean that something is physically wrong or that you are incapable of partnered orgasm. Solo pleasure often offers greater control over the type, speed, location, and intensity of stimulation. Partnered sex can introduce additional concerns about performance, a partner’s reactions, body image, timing, or whether you are taking “too long.”
For Anna, the shift was not about learning one perfect sexual technique. Her experience involved feeling safe enough to let go of performance, become more present, communicate honestly, and stop prioritizing her partner’s perception over her own pleasure.
Anna’s story is personal and should not be interpreted as a universal explanation for orgasm difficulties. Persistent changes in orgasm can also be related to medication, hormonal shifts, pain, health conditions, or other factors that may warrant professional evaluation.
In This Episode, You’ll Learn
- Why Anna faked orgasms for nearly 30 years
- Why someone may orgasm alone but not with a partner
- How pressure to perform can interfere with sexual pleasure
- What changed when Anna experienced partnered orgasm at 49
- How trust and emotional connection shaped Anna’s experience
- Why staying present during intimacy can be difficult
- How letting go of control affected her sexual response
- Why people sometimes hide their authentic sexual preferences
- How honest communication can strengthen sexual connection
- What Anna learned when she stopped performing pleasure
- Questions Answered in This Episode
- Why can’t I orgasm with a partner when I can orgasm alone?
- Why do some women fake orgasms?
- Can sexual performance anxiety make orgasm more difficult?
- How does trust affect sexual pleasure?
- Why is it difficult to stay present during partnered sex?
- Can someone experience their first partnered orgasm later in life?
- How do you tell a partner what actually feels good?
- How can couples talk honestly about faking orgasms?
- When should someone seek professional help for orgasm difficulties?
A Personal Story About Faking Orgasms
Anna describes how faking orgasms became a longstanding pattern rather than a single decision. Pretending protected her from uncomfortable conversations in the moment, but it also made it harder for her partners to understand what she genuinely enjoyed.
In this conversation, Anna reflects on what eventually allowed her to become more honest about her pleasure. She discusses learning to honor her preferences, communicate more authentically, and experience intimacy without feeling that she needed to produce a particular response for her partner.
About Anna Cordin
Anna Cordin was born and raised in Siberia, Russia, in a family of professional musicians. She began studying classical violin at age five and later became a pioneer of aerobics in her hometown, earning a reputation as a Russian “Jane Fonda.”
After moving to the United States, Anna discovered Dancing with the Stars and began pursuing ballroom and Latin dance professionally. She became an instructor with Fred Astaire Dance Studios and coached students who earned first-place finishes at prestigious competitions. Today, she continues to perform throughout South Florida with her professional ballroom dance partner.
In this episode, Anna is sharing her lived experience rather than presenting herself as a sexual-health clinician.
About Dr. Nazanin Moali
Dr. Nazanin Moali is a licensed psychologist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and host of the Sexology Podcast. She provides evidence-based sex and relationship therapy for individuals and couples in Hermosa Beach, the South Bay of Los Angeles, and online throughout California.
If difficulty reaching orgasm, performance pressure, or sexual disconnection is affecting you or your relationship, schedule a consultation with Dr. Moali.